101 in 1001 progress

I feel like I am spinning my wheels. I have so many things that are just on the verge of being completed but I can't quite get there. A few of the things are a little too dependent upon Hubby's help. Like #25 and #9. A lot of the things are planned and it is just a matter of finding the time to do the follow through. The beginning of a school year is always hectic, I'm hoping to get settled into the new routine in the next few weeks and get some things accomplished. I am working on the walls for #15 and that is going to be a long process. The crocheting and knitting for #64 & #65 are going to have to wait till it cools down, it is just too hot to fool with that. I am going to start #63 on my birthday this month but as it suggests it will take a year to complete. I thought it would be cool to do it from birthday to birthday though. For #76 I have actually got my keyboard back out and am now looking into taking some type of class because I just don't think I can teach myself this. So I am making progress, it just isn't very visible.

Our Family History

Part 8: The Misery that

brought me Matt

When I last left you I had started trying for baby #4 after giving my tailbone the 6 weeks they said it needed to heal and had made a wonderful deal with my husband to close up my baby-making factory. Of course, as my history should show, it didn't take me long to get pregnant. It took even less time for me to realize it was bad timing. Audrey was in Kindergarten when I found out I was pregnant and would be just a few months into 1st grade when I had him. My life was total chaos and I was in no shape to handle most of it. Yes, in 6 weeks your tailbone is healed enough to not really worry about lifting things or doing things you had to be careful about when it was healing. That did not mean it was ready for the changes or pressure of carrying a fetus. Not ready AT ALL!! I was very sick, as usual, for the first few months and as soon as that started to ease up the pain set in. I had trouble with my hip every time I got pregnant because I fell when I was pregnant with Audrey and dislocated it. Now on top of that I also couldn't set down because of my tailbone. There were very few positions that I was comfortable in and by the time I was ready to have him I was one miserable woman. On top of that I kept getting sick, they told me 3 times while I was pregnant with him that I had gastrointestinal flu(I will explain what was really wrong in a later post). My stomach hurt so bad most of the time that I couldn't feel the baby moving and they had to keep doing ultrasounds to make sure he was okay. It was tough but somehow we made it through, I was so glad though that this was the last time I would be doing this. I signed the paper for getting my tubal at my very first doctor's appointment. I knew he would not go through with doing his surgery and I wanted to be prepared, I wasn't taking any chances. When it was time to have him the doctor schedule my appointment to be induced. I went to see her the day before to make sure everything was going as planned and she said she wanted to "strip my membranes" now and that would make things go a little smoother tomorrow. I was scheduled to be at the hospital at 6 for my induction the next morning. At 3 in the morning I woke Hubby up and said "Let's go!". I had actually gone into full blown labor ON MY OWN. By the time we got to the hospital and got me checked in and settled I knew it wouldn't be long. They picked up a heart murmur on the monitor and were afraid that he was going to be born with something wrong with his heart. Mom immediately went and called to have everyone praying for us. The doctor checked me and told Hubby and Mom that I still had a little while but that it wouldn't be long BUT she didn't move. She stayed setting right there, that was not a good sign. Within a matter of just a few minutes and long before the drugs had time to kick in I was giving birth. He was born at just a few minutes after 6 (right when I should have been being induced) and was perfectly healthy. They could not find a single thing wrong with his heart and could not explain what had been showing up on the monitor just disappearing as soon as he was born - I could, it was God. The next day as they were wheeling me down the hall to surgery to do my tubal Mr.Perfectly Stubborn was still standing there saying "You aren't really going to do this are you?" No answer was needed just a look as they shut the doors. He must be crazy.

Next-Part 9:The makings of a tough year.

Random Abandon

Nothing left to countdown. My first week of freedom was .... well ..... busy. It was nice though to have even just a few minutes to myself each day. I think it is hard for people to understand how exhausting it is to never have a second to just breath and collect your thoughts.

When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child. ~Sophia Loren

We may end up with a woman in the presidential office after all. What do you guys think of Sarah Palin? I'm still a little unsure of this pick.

My thoughts and prayers are with you New Orleans. Gustav looks tough and mean but you have proved before that you can overcome.

One day, One choice, One pound at a time

SW-218
LW-190.1
CW-192.6
GW-160

That makes a total of 8 pounds gained this summer. I have done very well the last few days though. I have been getting my exercise in and am getting my eating back on track. It's not perfect but I'm getting there. I've accepted a challenge that starts on Sept.1 on the In-Shape Brag Blog and I'm really looking forward to it. Things like this always seem to make it easier to stay on track (maybe I need one for next summer haha). I'm planning on trying some different things too, I will let you know about them. Just trying to keep it interesting.

I'm having a guilt ridden day!!

The kids are back to school and I love it. I've been so busy the last few days though that I haven't had the chance to enjoy it like I want. The older they get, the more complicated our lives get. I want my kids to be involved in things though. I have felt guilty for years because it is too hard for us to do a lot of things. I get the comment all the time from people that they don't see why it is any harder just because we have more kids but it is. It really is. How do you make one kid suffer so that the other can do something. You have to figure out where to draw the line and some things are just too hard to coordinate. I wish that the boys could play on the Football League but it is just too complicated. If I had any kind of help at all with the kids it would be simpler but we really don't have anyone that we can count on to help with them. So we had to say that they could play once they are old enough to play for the school but then that puts them at a disadvantage because all of the other boys have more experience. It is just so hard sometimes to figure out what is the right thing to do. How much is too much but then when is it not enough? We do baseball because there are no conflicts with any other school activities at that time and if they don't want to play that is fine too. I guess I'm just feeling guilty right now because Joe started Middle School and a lot of the boys that he played football with when we tried to let him play are big buddies of course and now I'm thinking about how much of an advantage he would have had if he had been playing with them all this time and already had all of those relationships built. I want to give my kids every advantage that I can but at what cost. That is the dilemma.

Our Family History

Part 7: Just One More. Please!!

Mike had already been wanting another baby when I had a little accident. I was going out to start the car and fell down the front steps. They were icy, I slipped on the top one and landed on the bottom one. I knew immediately that my tailbone was broken, I thought I was going to throw up and the pain was unbearable. I still however had to get Audrey to the bus. So I picked up one boy in each arm, one 18 months and one 3 years, put them in the van, took her to the bus, came back and carried the boys back into the house. I was about to die. I called around and found someone that could help me and they took me and the boys to the hospital where they confirmed what I already knew. My tailbone was broken, almost all the way through because I picked up the boys and increased the size of the break. Mom helped me out a lot. For the first few days she did pretty much everything for us and then I would call when Drew got up and she would come and get him out of his bed (I wasn't allowed to lift him). We ended up putting Drew into one of the little toddler beds so that he could just get up. A few days in I still couldn't move good or sit for long so I sent Hubby with a list to get groceries. He came home with a Dining Table and very few groceries. Once he set the table up and we were trying it out he told me that the reason he bought the table was because it had 6 seats and he knew I would want to fill that seat when I saw it setting empty. This is what he was thinking about while his poor wife was setting with a broken tailbone. (My previous story about the table). When I was feeling better we started talking about having another baby and I made him a deal. I honestly didn't want another one (don't throw things at me, I wouldn't trade him for the world now) but I wanted my husband to be happy. Once my tailbone was healed we would try to have another baby and (here comes the deal) once I was pregnant he would have a vasectomy. If he didn't already have the vasectomy done by the time the baby was born I would have my tubes tied. So he would get his Just One More and I would be done. When the six weeks had passed and my tailbone was healed we started trying for our 4th and last child.

Next:Part 8:The misery that brought me Matt.

The Countdown is Over....

Tomorrow is the first day of school. After all of the counting down I know that you think that I don't love my kids but that is just not the truth. I love them to death but being with anyone 24/7 is a daunting thing to ask. So Yes tomorrow will be a great day for me. I have never been a mother that needed my kids to be dependent on me in order to feel validated. I would prefer that they are independent, that is where I find my joy. Knowing that they will be able to think and act for themselves when they need to is very gratifying. That is my measurement for how well I have done my job and I do believe I have done it well so far. Not perfectly by far. I can see so many mistakes that I make on a daily basis but I am constantly learning from those mistakes and hopefully in the process teaching them that this is how life works. You learn and grow, adapt and change, to continuously better yourself and the lives of those around you.