Reoccurring Dreams

I don't dream much or at least I don't remember my dreams. The few times in my life that I can remember dreaming are when I have had reoccurring dreams. The first time I ever had a dream that I remembered was when I started having nightmares after my grandmother died. I was in 3rd grade, I believe and it was a horrible time for my family. I had a few cousins the same age as me and when our grandmother died one of them just quit walking. I can remember them saying that it was psychological but I didn't understand that. I kept having nightmares about Mamaw coming to take away our ability to walk. It was very traumatic for me but in a few weeks the dreams went away and I would beg for them to come back just so I could see her again and remember what she looked like. The only other time I can remember dreaming is when I was pregnant with each of the kids and while each kid got their own dream it was the same dream the whole time I was pregnant. I don't really remember much about the dream I had with each of the boys now, they weren't really strange just normal baby dreams. The one I had while pregnant with Audrey though I will never forget. We kind of figured it was a news story or something that I had seen that had started it. I would dream that we were all at the hospital and I had given birth except it ended up being twins and one of the babies was black. I would keep asking people "Don't you think he looks different?" and they would just say something about how he looked perfect to them. I dreamed this over and over and over again while I was pregnant with her and it drove me crazy. I'm not sure if I don't dream often or if I only remember the ones that keep reoccurring but these are the only times in my life that I can remember actually having a dream. Obviously they were brought on by stress but it still seems weird to me.

Pox confusion

I actually had time today to get a few things done. The truck was in bad need of some routine maintenance so that was first on my list. No sooner had I arrived at the shop than Mr. Perfectly Stubborn started calling. When I finished talking to the guy about the truck and called back he told me that he had to go pick up Jo. He had broken out the night before on his neck and back. We had decided that a bug had got in his shirt and bit him a bunch of times. It looked a little worse this morning but I gave him some Benedryl and put Caladryl on them and sent him to school. They were now itching so bad that he couldn't stand it and needed to be picked up. Mr. Perfectly Stubborn was perfect today and took him to the doctor for me. Despite the fact that he has had his vaccination he has the Chicken Pox. I'm confused, why do they get the shot if they can still get chicken pox after having it? They say that it will be a milder case - we shall see. I've been reading about the vaccine since I got back and I am left with a lot of questions. They aren't sure how long the effectiveness of it lasts and if I remember right it is worse to get it when you are older. I'm wondering how this effects getting shingles when you get older too. All of my kids have had their shots for this but now I'm wondering how smart of an idea that was.

Our Family History

Part 10: It always get worse

before it gets better.

Being released on the same day that I had surgery seemed a little odd to us all. Especially since it was 4 days before they could do the surgery but I was just glad to be home and have all of this behind me. That didn't last long by the next day I was back at the emergency room and readmitted to the hospital. Upon further tests they discovered that one of the gallstones had torn holes all in my pancreas. The pancreas works in a way that when it has a tear it will seal itself back off but this still leaves it weak. I was in the hospital for 22 days this time, back home for a few days and then back in the hospital for 10 days. It was a long and horrible process. I had to be very careful about what I ate and still do. For the next year I had to have a CT Scan every 6 weeks to ensure that my pancreas was healing properly. When it seals itself off it forms what they called pseudo cysts and they had to make sure that these dissolved and it healed itself up completely. After Matt's birth and all of this sickness I had lost a ton of weight but with the CT Scans they had to give me contrast and dye. The dye messed with my thyroid and within 3 months I had gained 60 lbs. In the middle of all of this, while I was back in the hospital for the 22 days, my kids were being taken care of by their grandparents. When Mom would come by with Matt, I knew that something was wrong but I couldn't figure it out and they weren't telling me anything. Finally they told me that he wasn't crying, wasn't making much of any noise except with every breath. When he would breathe, he whistled. So we got him to the doctor as soon as we could and he had a congenital laryngeal strider. Big word to say that his voice box wasn't hardened. They told us that it would take about 18 months for it to harden and that then he would have to play catch-up on learning how to talk. Most likely he would have to have a lot of speech therapy to get to where he needed to be. Getting used to the whistling was very difficult. Instead of listening for him to cry during the night I had to learn to sleep through the whistling and wake up when it stopped. It was hard for awhile. He started making a few sounds around 15 months and by 18 months was going full force. He learned how to talk quickly and did have a little speech therapy through the school when he was in Preschool but that was it. Thanks to God it all turned out alright in the end and I do give him credit for it all. That was without doubt the roughest year I have had so far in my life but we made it through and like the saying We are stronger for it.

Next: Stories from their childhood - Audrey

Random Abandon

The old saying - You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar- Let's just say some people would do well to remember that.

I think the fact that Luke Russert is taking up (almost) right where his father left off is remarkable. It looks like he has the potential to be just as cutting edge and innovative as his Dad. Check out how he has been blogging about the election as well as covering it, along with Hurricane Gustav and other things.

Ever wish someone would stand up for you like Johnny stood up for Baby. "Nobody puts Baby in the corner." (Yes I've watched Dirty Dancing again)

One day, One choice, One pound at a time

SW-218
LW-194.6
CW-193.7
GW-160

Finally down a little. It is getting easier to get the exercise in. Now I just need to get the eating completely under control. I'm going to do the first 2 week phase of South Beach starting Monday. I have been doing better gradually but that is the best thing I have ever tried for getting the junk eating out of my system.

Letter to Me

One of the bloggers that I love to read has started handing out assignments. I couldn't manage the time last week with all of the back to school adjustments but I am on board and loving it this week.

The Assignment: You are 20 years in the future, write a letter to your today's self.

Dear Melanie,


I have thought often about you through the years. I know that you are at a crossroads in your life. A place where you are honestly not sure which way you should go. Staying on the same path seems unbearable yet finding the courage to go another way is more difficult than you could ever have dreamed. It is hard for you, I know, to see the good in the life that you have. Letting go of some of the heartaches that you carry around is the only way for you to make it to where I am today. Trust yourself, believe in yourself and there is hope. Things will never be perfect and life will never be easy but if you make the decisions that you know must be made, you will be all right. You have friends that you can depend on, more than you realize; you just have to give them the chance. You must quit letting the fear of rejection hold you back and stop worrying about what people think of you. Just be who you are. Yes, you will be rejected at times but the payoff will outweigh those disappointments. You are an amazing person and you have a wonderful future ahead of you. Just believe that,hold on to that, keep your head held high and push through the things that must be done. You have strength that you have not needed yet and have not discovered but it is there. Use it, stand up for yourself, be the person that you want to be. The people who love you will still be there in the end.

Sincerely,
Melanie

P.S. On a lighter note, being in your 30’s does not make
you old. When you get close to 60, then we will talk about it.

Our Family History

Part 9:The beginning of a rough year

Our not so little family was finally complete and I was looking forward to settling in and figuring out how the logistics of a family this size were going to work. I didn't get the chance before everything fell apart. Remember I mentioned how I stayed sick while I was pregnant with Matt? The hospital continued to tell me that I had gastrointestinal flu and I had ultrasound after ultrasound to make sure the baby was okay. Not once in all that time, not once in any of those ultrasounds did they notice the real problem. I never really got to where I felt normal after Matt's birth and when he was 3 weeks old I started to get really sick again. Now that I didn't have a pregnancy to worry about I was not going back to the hospital to have them tell me again that I had stomach flu, so I tried to ride it out. After a few days I started feeling a little better and everyone relaxed. Mike was gone to work and after a little convincing Mom and Dad left and went out to a movie they had been planning on seeing. Not long after they left it hit me hard. At the time Audrey was only 7 but if it wasn't for her I would not have made it through that day. She would get Matt's bottles and kept the other 2 entertained. I had Matt setting in a baby seat next to the commode because I couldn't move. By the time someone got home to take me to the hospital I really thought I was dead. Not to be too sickening but the stuff I was throwing up was pure acid and was literally eating up my throat and mouth. When we got to the hospital I'm not sure what we were expecting but we thought it would be something simple that they could just give me some medicine for. In reality we were in for a long journey. Within no time they told us that they would be keeping me for awhile and that I would be having emergency surgery. I was full of gallstones; they were no longer just in my gallbladder they were now moving through my system. It was 4 days before they could do the emergency surgery, not because of shortcomings on their part but because I was too sick and not considered stable enough for surgery. Those 4 days were very difficult. I was worried about my kids more than anything, I knew they would be well cared for but I still wanted to be with them. Finally I had surgery and believe it or not was released on the same day. I was so glad to have all of this behind me. I couldn't have known at the time that it was just the beginning.
Part 10: It always gets worse before it gets better