Someday, Somehow, Some way

I tell myself all the time that I have to get back to this, that I have to make the time and that I need to make space in my life for the things that I love. Yet, it never happens. You would think that after 20 years of marriage and almost 18 years of being a Mom I would have somehow figured it out by now. You'd be wrong. I don't know how all of those perfect people that I see out there do it. I will never have it all together I suppose. I'm willing to accept my fate. That doesn't mean I have to quit trying. If I only get to post once a year, oh well, at least I managed that.
At this point in my life I am the mother of three teenagers one of whom is about to be an adult herself (yes I said three)(and no I don't look old enough, Thanks). I thought as they grew up that it would get easier and that the burden on my time would be less. I could make this true but I can't bring myself to do it. Yes, they are big enough to do a lot of things for themselves and they don't NEED me as much but thank goodness they still WANT my time. I love spending time with them. I love hanging out with my daughter just talking. I love playing video games with my boys. Not to sound cliche but someday soon I know that they will all be gone. Then I will have all the time I need for myself. For now, I continue to try to figure out how to juggle it all and still have time for myself.
💫Melanie

Can I figure this out?

Not a whole lot of effort went into that weight loss. I have to figure out how to find a balance with my weight loss desires. I am either all in or all out and that's not working well for me. There has to be an in between somewhere. I know I can't lose weight as fast as I did with a balance of the two but I can still lose weight. If I can't exercise everyday then I get discouraged and don't do it at all. If I eat bad one day then the next day I have given up. I have to learn to give myself a break when I'm not doing it perfect. Do I really expect to go the rest of my life without drinking another Coke? Can I realistically exercise everyday? There has to be an in between. There has to. I'm determined to find it. I'm going to find it. It may take me the rest of my life but I will not quit. I'd rather it be sooner and not later because I feel like time is running out. I feel like there is a line in the sand and that I have until I reach that line before it will be too late and I will be completely stuck in my ways. I know that's not true, that it's all in my head but I feel a sense of desperation. As I typed those last few sentences I realized something. That feeling of desperation may be my whole problem. If I would truly give myself the rest of my life to figure it out and erase that line in the sand it would make this so much easier. No matter what happens this is going to be a lifetime problem for me. If I woke up skinny tomorrow I wouldn't stay that way for long if I still didn't have that balance. So I will continue my quest. Any and all advice will be appreciated.