Switching gears

I have set down and written posts quite a few times lately and then deleted them. I feel like I need to be witty and wise and most days I just don't have the energy for that. So I am dropping all pretext and am no longer even going to try. I'm going to write what is on my mind, what I am feeling, what we are going through - well you get the idea. It may just be a few lines and it may be more. I need a release and this is the only real way to get it(at least for me). I have to quit worrying about perfection and just allow myself to be. I am going to try to write something everyday. Where ever I have to do it from, what ever it takes and even if it is incoherent to most people. 

Back in Business

I'm finally back in business. Why was I out of business? That's simple - because my husband has a temper. He threw the phone and it bounced of the couch and onto my laptop and even though it was closed it cracked the screen. If you've ever seen an LCD screen that is cracked, you know that there is no hope for using it. It took me awhile to get over being mad and break down and get it fixed. I used the desktop for awhile but it made me mad every time I had to set there, so I quit setting there for any longer than it had to take to do what I needed. It is now fixed and up and running. I'm hoping to get back into this world. I have missed my release, I have lots of things I want to talk about. Plus I can't wait to get back to reading what is going on in all of your lives.

Why I write

Mama's Losin It has given great prompts again this week for her writing assignments. First let me say that I would love to do #2 but I have a weird memory. My true memories only last about 10 years, I kidd you not. After that things get fuzzy and I only remember the real big stuff or things that get talked about often. So the day to day of Jr. High is out for me. So I chose #3 - Why do you write? It is really an easy one for me. So here it goes.

I write because I love it. I have always written, even long before I knew what it really was. I started writing as soon as I knew how to put sentences to paper. I've always written about how I feel and what I think about things. I went through a spell in Jr. High where everything was a poem. Even as an adult, when I was busy with 4 little kids, I kept journals. They got me into trouble more than once though so I burned them and gave that up. When I really needed to vent after that I would write it all down and then shred it. When I first discovered this "blog" world that I love, I was ecstatic. I still do my own venting and shredding when it's about things that I need to censor from here but this place is still a release for me. I know I am in no way a profressional writer and I have no hopes of ever being famous or even popular. I just want somewhere that I can truly be me and write what I'm thinking. Sometimes it helps me to see how silly I am being and sometimes it makes me realize that I should be more upset than I am. Writing is what keeps me sane in this crazy world that I live in and that is why I write.

Want to do your own writing assignment? Go see Mama's Losin It. She'll pile you high with assignments.

Why I love Blogging.....

I got into the world of Blogging to give myself an outlet. I use it as a way to release alot of things that I might otherwise hold onto. If it is entertaining, encouraging or enlightening to someone else, well then that is just a bonus. It quickly became way more than I ever could have hoped for though. I love being able to write down all of my thoughts, I love the idea that my kids will be able to read this when they get older and have a true glimpse into the how and why that I did some of the things I did and I love the connection to other people. The latter has been the biggest surprise to me. It is so awesome that even on the days that I don't feel up to blogging myself I can come here and find someone who has felt exactly the way I do. What a wonderful encouragement to know that there are people out there who feel the exact same things you do everday. Whether its guilt over not being perfect for your kids or pain over things that have happened in your past; there is someone who knows and understands that exact feeling.

Then of course there are all of the cool give-a-ways, contests, writing assignments and so much more to keep your mind working and entertained. Like Mama Kat's vaccum give-a-way and writing assignments and the newest in a long line of give-a-ways from the Sits Girls, as well as their daily featured blogger. Not to mention being able to Blog Around the World or join a Political Campaign as it travels.

I'm a very private person (believe it or not) and I have trouble sharing my life with people. I'm horrible at keeping up friendships but no matter how long I stay away I know that when I come back the Blog World will still be here waiting. Although I have no intention of staying away!!

The Destruction Crew

I mentioned them the other day, they are going to be a huge part of our lives for awhile so you may hear me complaining about them a lot. We live in the mountains, in the middle of nowhere and have always had our peace. That is what we love about living here, it is why we are willing to drive an hour to get to anything. We are afraid our peace may be gone now and for good. They are drilling 2 gas wells in the mountain to the side of our house, they will be finished and gone in a month but that is just the beginning. We live in the middle of nowhere (or did I mention that already) so entertainment is hard to come by and we are figuring we may be living next to the newest form of entertainment soon.  It will be a terrific place to ride four wheelers and go "mudding" and I'm sure a great hang-out. Hopefully they will gate it off, that will be our only salvation.  We want to keep our peace, we love our peace. We want our boys to be able to play in the mountains around the house and not have to worry about it. Really, I just want to keep my peace, Please.

What a difference a day can make.

This use to be all mountain. Now it's a mess.

New Toy Alert

Windows Live Writer rocks! I know you thought I was talking about something for the kids but Nope sorry. If you have read much of anything that I have written you probably know that I love gadgets, games and new software to try. Recently I found a new toy to play with and I am loving it. You can completely edit your blog posts with it and just hit publish. I came across it when we were going on vacation and I wasn't sure I would have any Internet service. You can write your post and then publish it when you get to a place where you have service or when you get back home. So far I haven't found anything I don't like about it but I am still learning all of the little things.  I'm just not good at storing things in my brain that I want to write and remembering them for later, I need to get them down now. I also like to write something and then think about it for awhile sometimes and it drives me crazy to have all of those drafts on my blogger list (Yes, I know no one else can see them, it just irritates me). This will be great for going on trips and that kind of stuff because I can write while we are there and just hit publish later. I am in blogging heaven and I just wanted to share it with my fellow bloggers.

Ah-ha!

All Mom's have them, those moments when something connects and you just go Ah-ha!
Where you realize what it is that matters most and how foolish you have been.
Here's one of mine, with 4 kids I've had a few but this one
sticks out in my mind more than most.

One day in the summer I was camping out with my kids in their room. It was a little too hot for them to play out for long and I had to keep the 3 of them entertained. We had built a tent town out of many blankets and sheets and were just crawling from tent to tent playing and I was trying to read to them when they would allow it. They were having a blast, my oldest was about to start school in the fall and I wanted to spend every minute I could with her before that. All of the sudden there was a knock on the door. What? No one ever comes to visit in the middle of the day while my husband is at work; it’s probably just Jehovah Witnesses so I go to the door. NO! It’s my brother-in-law, he was out this way and decided to stop in and play with the kids for a few minutes. You should have been here, my house was an absolute wreck, you couldn’t go into their room for all of the tents (which when looked at from the outside just looked like a chaos) and the lunch “mess” was still everywhere on the table. I suffered through his visit, apologizing many times for the untidiness and cleaning while he played with my children. After he left I was upset for days thinking about what people must think about me. “Oh my, have you seen her house? It is just disgusting!” So I went into cleaning mode and ignored my children, I cleaned while they watched TV and entertained themselves. I don’t remember at this point which one of them it was or exactly what they said but I got the mommy don’t you love me anymore question and my mind went Ah-ha! That is what matters!! What others think of me or my housekeeping skills will be of no relevance 10 years from now. How my kids feel about themselves and about me WILL. Yes I have to clean and cook and etc. etc. but that does not have to be my whole life. If my house is a little dirty today, so be it. The question is- Are my kids happy and well adjusted? It takes time to raise kids right and yes they have the right to live in a clean environment and be fed but I’m sure if you ask them that is not their biggest concern.

This was entered into a contest at Relishing Motherhood.

We are Wonder Woman!

I am not as beautiful as Aphrodite or as wise as Athena. I am not swifter than Hermes or stronger than Hercules. I am not 5’11” and 150 pounds and I don’t have beautiful black hair and blue eyes. I don’t own unbreakable silver bracelets (or any unbreakable jewelry for that matter) or a Lasso of truth. Still I am Wonder Woman. We are all Wonder Woman. We all do things that normal women would not tempt and that men think are ridiculous. We would, and some have, put our lives on the line for those that we love. We are unbelievably strong and courageous, undeniably patient and undyingly loyal. We are all things to all people. We are available at each and every beckoning call. We can summon the answer to most any problem whether it comes during the day or night. We can go days without sleep if needed, we can survive on almost nothing to eat in order to feed others and we can turn any house into a home. We are not however invincible. We feel, we hurt, we cry, we have compassion and we make mistakes. Sometimes we falter but it is then that our fellow heroes pick us up. Together we create an unbelievable force. A force that if relied upon and trusted is unbreakable. We are MOMS!

This post was written for a contest at Scribbit.

Going Public

So after the suggestion from a few people I am taking my blog public. I have copied most of my blogs from my Myspace(so that people like my Mom who won't Myspace-it can see them) to this site and am ready to start blogging here. To all my Myspace readers - don’t worry I will still be blogging there too. I just want to be able to do more with my blogs. I’m sure it’s going to take me a while to figure it all out, so be patient. Writing is what I love, even though I’m not great at it. It makes me happy and often relieves my stress. I’m no professional, that’s for sure, I’m just here to have fun.