I had to let go of him this morning. I'm pretty sure I'm going to vomit. Things like this sure change the way you look at life in general. There are a lot of things that just don't matter anymore.

That's the Facebook status that I just posted. On Monday the coal mines that my husband works in had an explosion. There aren't words that describe the feeling of seeing the smoke bellowing out of that mountain, watching the ambulances and then fire trucks and then news vans and then mine rescue buses barrel down the road and the feeling that things will never be the same again. Then finding out that so many of your husbands friends and co-workers are gone. At times it still just seems so unreal but then at times it feels all too real. I can't even try to imagine what the other families are going through because I can't allow my mind to go there. It could so easily have been my husband instead of theirs. I am so thankful to God that it wasn't my husband but that relief brings with it guilt. As wives we all know that our husbands are risking their lives when they go to work but we rely on the statistics to get us through. Statistically it is no more dangerous than driving down the road. When any tragedy hits this close though, all of the statistics go out the door because it is now personal experience, not statistics that you are relying on. So letting go of him this morning was very difficult. He isn't going to be working underground but that isn't comforting me much. I can only imagine how hard this day is going to be for him. He has been down there once already and went down and spent time with the families that are waiting but to be THERE all day, I just can't imagine. The only hope left is that they find someone still alive when they are able to go back in. Whether they do or not though, moving on with our lives is going to be difficult.