Too busy to notice?

When you are on a weight-loss journey it is easy to get so busy doing the things that you know you should be doing and to get preoccupied with the number on the scale that you forget to notice the real progress that you are making. I find myself getting caught up in that number on the scale all too often. Only doing the things that I think will make that number smaller. I have to stop and remember that this is about getting healthy, not about getting skinny. I have found one thing that helps me in a huge way with that. I decided to buy myself inspiration clothes. Something that I like, that is just a little too small (not too small or it will get depressing waiting forever to get into it). Last week I got into my first purchase, a pair of jeans. It is truly amazing, the changes that take place in your body while you are too busy looking at the scale. In all honesty, I'm not losing that much weight but I am getting smaller. I can run longer and faster. I can lift more weight and do more reps. I am getting stronger, I am getting healthier. If I keep looking at the scale, those facts get lost. I'm not going to quit weighing in but there is also already a new pair of shorts hanging in my room. Just waiting for my big butt to fit in them.

Can time fly?

I seriously thought that it had only been a few weeks since I had posted......Instead it's been two months. Seriously? It doesn't seem possible. Where have I been? Apparently with my head stuck in a hole. I have one GOOD excuse though. PROM!!!! My first ever experience with Prom and I mean that literally. I was already dating my husband in 11th grade and he didn't want to go, so I wouldn't. By the time Prom came around my 12th grade year I was married and had just found out I was pregnant. I didn't really feel like going to Prom. It's one of those things that you always wonder about. So when my 17 year old daughter said she didn't think she wanted to go to Prom, I took away her choice. She was going. Like it or not. I know some may think that was the wrong thing to do but like it or hate it, it was an experience I wanted her to have. If she doesn't want to go next year that is fine but it's one "what if" I could keep her from living with. The chaos of preparing for it was out of this world though. Trust me, the dress up part, she thoroughly enjoyed. I have to say, I enjoyed it too. It wasn't her cup of tea but she had a good time. I love how mature she is, I really do but sometimes I wish she could just be a teenager.

We took a lot of pictures but this seems to be everyone's favorite. I was standing there talking to some of the other parents and the lady beside me said "You have to get a picture of this". This will be a memory that we all keep forever.

I wish I could?

I wish I could run. Seriously run. I want to feel that runners high. I want to feel like I have truly accomplished something that I wanted to. I want to be healthy and strong. I just don't know how to get there. I do a lot of walking and I guess that is a good first step. I found a program that I think could really get me there but there are a few glitches.

There is a program called the Couch to 5k and it is designed to help people who have never ran to get to the point that they can run a 5k. It is a wonderful program, it really is. I love it. The problem I have is the same problem that plagues me in everything I try to do. Laziness? No, although that doesn't help. The problem is where I live. If you've read any of my previous posts you probably know that I live in the middle of nowhere and for the most part I love that, I really do. It's times like this that it gets annoying. An hour from the closest city, no parks or gyms. So my only option is to run on the road which is not necessarily a bad option except.... 1) It has quite an incline. I can't run and you want me to start out doing it on an incline, yeah right. 2) I grew up here and there are a lot of these people in these houses that I really don't want to look out there window and see my fat butt running by. 3) There are a lot of distractions on this road. Cars constantly coming by (and this is barely a two lane road, there are no lines. So I have to be sure I'm not in the way) that may have the before mentioned people that I grew up with and around in them. Animals are the biggest distraction. I am not at all keen to being chased by a goat while I try to run. Or roosters. Or even dogs for that matter.

I'm not giving up though. I refuse to. I may be on the first week of this program for months before I actually find the time to get in the three workouts a week and feel comfortable moving on. I may have to adjust my route to figure out how to do most of it in the downward direction of the incline. I definitely have to figure out how to get over the self-consciousness of people looking out their windows and seeing me. I will not give up though and at some point I will be a runner.

Oh Well

 It's 8am and already this morning I've been a short-order cook, a valet, a nurse, a motivational speaker, a disciplinarian, a chauffeur, a barber, and a teacher. I could really use a motivational speech of my own. I feel like I should be done for the day but I still have to be a dishwasher, a maid, a chef, a stock boy(girl actually) and run a laundromat during the day and then a full time chauffeur this evening. What I want to do is set here and write and read other blogs but "Oh well" off I go to get busy again. 

Can I figure this out?

Not a whole lot of effort went into that weight loss. I have to figure out how to find a balance with my weight loss desires. I am either all in or all out and that's not working well for me. There has to be an in between somewhere. I know I can't lose weight as fast as I did with a balance of the two but I can still lose weight. If I can't exercise everyday then I get discouraged and don't do it at all. If I eat bad one day then the next day I have given up. I have to learn to give myself a break when I'm not doing it perfect. Do I really expect to go the rest of my life without drinking another Coke? Can I realistically exercise everyday? There has to be an in between. There has to. I'm determined to find it. I'm going to find it. It may take me the rest of my life but I will not quit. I'd rather it be sooner and not later because I feel like time is running out. I feel like there is a line in the sand and that I have until I reach that line before it will be too late and I will be completely stuck in my ways. I know that's not true, that it's all in my head but I feel a sense of desperation. As I typed those last few sentences I realized something. That feeling of desperation may be my whole problem. If I would truly give myself the rest of my life to figure it out and erase that line in the sand it would make this so much easier. No matter what happens this is going to be a lifetime problem for me. If I woke up skinny tomorrow I wouldn't stay that way for long if I still didn't have that balance. So I will continue my quest. Any and all advice will be appreciated.