Someday, Somehow, Some way

I tell myself all the time that I have to get back to this, that I have to make the time and that I need to make space in my life for the things that I love. Yet, it never happens. You would think that after 20 years of marriage and almost 18 years of being a Mom I would have somehow figured it out by now. You'd be wrong. I don't know how all of those perfect people that I see out there do it. I will never have it all together I suppose. I'm willing to accept my fate. That doesn't mean I have to quit trying. If I only get to post once a year, oh well, at least I managed that.
At this point in my life I am the mother of three teenagers one of whom is about to be an adult herself (yes I said three)(and no I don't look old enough, Thanks). I thought as they grew up that it would get easier and that the burden on my time would be less. I could make this true but I can't bring myself to do it. Yes, they are big enough to do a lot of things for themselves and they don't NEED me as much but thank goodness they still WANT my time. I love spending time with them. I love hanging out with my daughter just talking. I love playing video games with my boys. Not to sound cliche but someday soon I know that they will all be gone. Then I will have all the time I need for myself. For now, I continue to try to figure out how to juggle it all and still have time for myself.
💫Melanie

Oh Well

 It's 8am and already this morning I've been a short-order cook, a valet, a nurse, a motivational speaker, a disciplinarian, a chauffeur, a barber, and a teacher. I could really use a motivational speech of my own. I feel like I should be done for the day but I still have to be a dishwasher, a maid, a chef, a stock boy(girl actually) and run a laundromat during the day and then a full time chauffeur this evening. What I want to do is set here and write and read other blogs but "Oh well" off I go to get busy again. 

I need some peace. There seems to be no way of finding it lately. Between the horrible winter that we have had and all of the crazy things that go on in this thing that I call my life, there is no peace. Some days I just need a few minutes to myself to cry because most of the time that is what I feel like doing. I guess most Mothers feel the same things that I am feeling. Like a failure, like there isn't any way that I can be all of the things that I need to be, like I let everyone in this house down on a daily basis. These feelings have been overwhelming me lately with all of the things that are going on. I looked for a little support but as usual that was a mistake, he ended up throwing it right back in my face (I just wrote and deleted that sentence 3 times but remembered that is now what I'm here for, the release). I don't like to show that kind of weakness in front of my kids but if I can't find some quiet peace soon this dam is going to burst. 

Where do I begin?

Just when you think life is about to calm down - - - LOOK OUT!! I thought with the kids getting back to school that our lives would get back to some type of routine but I couldn't have been more wrong. So where do I begin? Audrey sprained her ankle a few days before school started but they couldn't tell for a few days whether it was sprained or broken. It took a lot of phone calls and a few visits to figure it out and she had to start the school year on crutches (and we're talking her freshman year of High School). It wasn't broke though and the school worked with her on the whole situation of getting around on crutches so it worked out okay. Less than 2 weeks later Jo wrecked on his bike and injured his spleen so again I had to go through the process of waiting on test results to find out how serious it was. Luckily it wasn't ruptured, only bruised but we are still talking weeks of pain and a week out of school. Then just a few weeks later the boys all got the flu. They tested positive for FluA but their doctor didn't do the further testing to find out if it was swine flu or not because it made no difference in the way it would be treated. (This made me wonder about their statistics on swine flu but Oh Well!) They all got Tamiflu and breathing treatments to keep it from setting into their lungs. Four days later they were all feeling fine but of course I had to keep them home for 10 days to spare the rest of the world. Then there was, of course, more drama with Mike's family and Halloween and Thanksgiving thrown in for a little good measure. Sometimes I honestly don't know how I survive but I am still standing, not counting on any calm but still standing. I'm going to try to make the time to post, hoping that it will help me out some. With this crazy life that I live though I'm not counting on anything. Now I'm going to find out how all of your lives have been while I have been wrapped up in my own. Hope everyone has been a little less crazy than me!!

It will all be right in The End

In our Sunday School Class we have been doing lessons based on a book - Right People, Right Place, Right Plan Devotional- for the last few weeks. This has brought about some great changes for me, in the way that I think about things. The book was split into 3 sections as the title suggests and each was very big for me. The second part is titled Right Place and this was the biggest revelation for me. This is where my thinking was changed. Not about the future or where I need to be though, it was about the past. I have considered writing about this before and am now glad that I didn't. I'm not sure that I should now but I feel that I need to share it. If anyone that I know reads this and is upset, let me say now that I am sorry.

A few years ago, I think it's been 4, my Mom and Dad moved. It was devastating for me. When my husband and I got married we lived in a few crappy rental houses before we moved to where we are now. Where we are now is on half of my parents land, which they deeded to us the second Christmas after we were married. It was the backside of their property (I'm not talking about a tiny lot either) and needed to be cleared off and have some work done. We did the work and put a home here. I thought I was moving next to my parents, where I would live for the rest of my life and take care of them when they got old. So when they came and told us they were leaving I took it hard. I couldn't understand why or how. Why would you leave your grandchildren and your daughter and just up and move. It made absolutely no sense to me and I was hurt. How could they not care any more than that? I barely went to see their house over the next year and really didn't talk to them a whole lot, I was just flat out hurt. Then a little over a year later we went to the church they were now attending for a Friends Day. Things at the church we were going to had gotten a little dramatic and we were considering leaving. The next service that we went to at our church was horrible and we ended up just getting up and leaving to never look back. We had felt so welcome at my parents church and that was the first church we decided to try and we have never left. We love it there, it is where we are suppose to be, I have no doubt. I still had hard feeling though about my parents moving, I still harbored resentment towards them in a way. I had not allowed myself to see that it was all part of God's plan and that my parents had to be in the right place in order for it all to happen. There was a place in the devotional where it said that the things God wants you to do today you may not understand but they may be setting up the future for your children and grandchildren. It hit me then. Wow, I don't know God's plans and don't even pretend to understand them but I am glad that my parents listened when it was time for them to go and that they found this wonderful church for all of us.

Yes I'm a Coal Miner's Wife

Homer Hickam speaking of the 12 killed at Sago in 2006: "We are proud of who we are. We stand up for what we believe. We keep our families together. We trust in god. But rely on ourselves. By adhering to these four simple approaches to life, they were a people who were not afraid to do what had to be done. To mine the deep coal and to do it with integrity and honor. "

I can give you tons of facts and numbers. Numbers that I use to make myself sleep better; In 1900 the death rate was .33% and in 2007 it was just .02%. Numbers that should make you care; 50% of the electricity used by Americans alone comes from coal. Those are just numbers though. They don't explain how I feel or how we live. The coal industry saved us and that's the truth. There are not many opportunities here and the ones that do exist are not all that lucrative. My husband drove an hour to work each day and worked hard in a sawmill for 10 hours to then turn around and drive an hour back home for very little pay. Yes, a college education gets you a better job but not a job around here. It still would mean moving or an even longer commute. Yes, we could simply move but we love this community. It is where we both grew up and where we wanted to raise our kids. He gave up many chances to go into the mines through the years because we just weren't sure that we could handle the life. Now that seems so foolish. He loves what he does even though it is dangerous at times. It is hard for me knowing that every time he goes he is at risk but it is no more risk than he was taking on a 2 hour commute every day (figure up the statistics). We no longer have to worry about losing everything that we have by tomorrow though, we don't struggle from day to day, we can breathe easy and live a decent life. I am very proud of my husband and what he does. There are many people around here that hate the coal industry and often they go to far. They have called us Coal Hoes because apparently letting your husband provide for you so that you can stay home with your kids means you are letting him buy you. I've had substitute teachers tell my kids that any one who works in "those mountains" doesn't care about them and is killing them. This may not be a great comparison and I may catch some heat for it but it is the closest thing I can think of. No matter how much you disagree with the war, you don't condemn the soldier for following orders. You may disagree with the tactics used in coal mining but don't condemn the men who go back into that black hole everyday. They are all just doing their part.

Come home Calli!

We had a really bad storm a week ago today. When we saw that it was coming I went outside to put some stuff up and the cats followed me out. When we went to go back in we couldn't find Calli. We looked everywhere we could quickly; under the house, building and porch, behind the house, just everywhere we could think of and didn't find her. Our power went out within just a few minutes and was out till the next morning. I assumed she had been scared and hid somewhere and that when I went out the next morning she would be there but she wasn't and we still haven't seen her. It bothers me that I can't figure out what happen to her. We have looked everywhere, figuring we would find her dead somewhere but no. I have started wondering if maybe somebody got ahold of her but that is unlikely because of where we live - she would have to have wondered pretty far. I'm still kind of hoping that she will come home but I know that's not really going to happen. So, I now say Farewell Calli!


Sox misses her too!

The Perfect Evening

We're having a family gathering here tomorrow so Dear One worked in the yard all day and I worked in the house all day so we took the evening to relax. We set in our new swing (that I love) for a long time and just relaxed while the kids played a little badmiton and ball and just goofed off. Then we went over to his dad's where they let off some great fireworks (Thanks Leslie and DJ) and Jo got to spend the evening with his girlfriend. Now pretty much everyone is happy (better mark that down). This is the kind of evening that I love. The perfect evening. I don't need the big things just a little peace and some time with the family.

As a bonus even though the new swing (which I love or did I mention that) is quite a ways from the house my WiFi actually works there, talk about Perfect. I may never work again.

A Few More Things

....about our trip to Cleveland.We got reacquainted with one of the biggest miracles I have ever had the privilege of meeting and her name is Breanna. When she was 18 months old she fell from a balcony and there was little hope for her survival. No she isn’t a normal 11 year old but she is one determined young girl. Everyday that she is on this Earth is a miracle from God. She is very intelligent, it is quite obvious that she understands everything that you tell her but she can’t form the words to tell you what she thinks or feels. She will do almost anything ask of her unless she is showing her determined side. She wants so badly to do things for herself that it is inspiring. Her feet and ankles are weak but she doesn’t want to be stuck in a chair all of the time so she crawls around the house and goes where she pleases. She has trouble feeding herself but she continues on and does her best at it. Seeing her should make us all feel a little bad about ourselves. I was amazed at how well the kids did with both her and her little brother. They were so helpful and considerate. Matt insisted on pushing her wheelchair and Audrey was great to help with both of them. It was a great experience for them all, I think. To see how good God has been to them and that sometimes things do happen to people who don’t deserve it.

Matt pushing Breanna in her chair

Audrey helping Joey get in the water.
Let's look a little closer though.

Yes, the teen is definately still there!!
She would have been sooo dead if she dropped it!

We're back!!

Actually we got back around 4 this morning. So as you can imagine today was not very productive. We had a great time. We went to Cleveland to see Mike's uncle and do a little sight seeing. I was amazed, we actually stayed a full 2 days! We spent the first day at the zoo and had a wonderful time thanks to our cousin and her boyfriend guides. We got a little wet and had to quit before we saw the entire zoo (I'm convinced that isn't possible in one day anyway) but the kids had a great time and got to see a lot of the zoo. They have some really cool things there. The boys rode a camel and got to touch stingrays, we saw plenty of cool animals (I loved the kangaroos) and the boys learned interesting facts to drive me insane with. Then the next day we went to Lake Eerie and it was awesome. God made us some very beautiful things indeed. It was so nice to just spend time with each other and with family. Hopefully after I get a good nights sleep I will be back to normal tomorrow.

Wedding Afterthoughts

I just wanted to share a few of my favorite pictures from my brothers wedding. Not of the actual wedding as you see, just a few shots from afterwards. This first one is a great one of my
StairSteps

And this one, believe it or not is the favorite of most of my family.
It's just us being us.
Gabbing and goofing.

And oh yeah......76 days till school starts!!

New Additions

If you know me you know how much I love animals but we have had a really bad spell with them lately. The turtles got sick and/or chewed up by the dog(it's a long story), the hamster died while we were at the hospital with Dear Ones Mom and cats always have a way of disappearing around here if let outside for too long. So we were down to only Tuck the Dog. One pet wonders we are no longer. Within the last few weeks we have gotten two kittens who are about the same age. I'm in love, I love cats anyway and one of the kittens is a calico(which is my dream). Sox is suppose to go outside when she gets big enough but I'm hoping they will do good and by then Dear One will have forgotten that promise. So meet Sox and Calli!!

Going Places

“Don’t you want to do something with your life?” I have been asked that question so many times in my life and it really frustrates me. Yes, I am a stay at home mom. I am devoted to my children and making sure that they become decent human beings. What makes others think that this limits me? Who gets to decide what determines if you are “Going Places” or not? I have a successful career, whether or not anyone chooses to agree with me. I could be stepping into a huge debate here, I know that. I am not even going to touch the subject of stay at home mom versus working mom. To each his own, everyone does what they have to and what they feel is right for them. Just because I choose to stay home with my children does not make my life worthless. I am not dumb actually I’m pretty smart. I am not lazy, actually strike that I can be but who isn’t at times. I do not watch soap operas or talk shows all day. I take my job seriously, very seriously. This is where I am going to step into a debate. I believe if a woman is a stay at home mom then that IS her job. My husband doesn’t do much of anything and I don’t think he should, he has his job too. He helps out when he knows that I really need him too and I expect no more of him. I try to make my kids do their part but not because I want to have less to do, I make them do it because they need to learn to be responsible for their selves. Making the kids do their part is a job in and of itself at times as any mom will tell you. I could sit here all day and list all of the different jobs that I do and do well, I might add. We’ve all seen the lists before and heard the stories of what a mom would earn if she got paid for her work. No I’m not jockeying for the top spot in my office, or working my way up the corporate ladder but I hold a very special spot for a lot of people. I am proud of where I am and where I’m going and I am going places. Who knows where my job as a mom will take me or who I will be the mother of someday. Plus I get to spend my summer days spending time with my kids and getting to know them better. So I’m going lots of places, How about you?

This post was entered into a contest at Scribbit.

We are going on a trip. WE are going on a TRIP?

We are going on a trip and given how much my Dear One loves to travel this should be fun
interesting. My brother is getting married and in lieu of the big church wedding, with all of its aggravations and dissatisfaction (can you tell I wish I hadn’t fallen into the church wedding trap), they are just going to Gatlinburg and using one of the beautiful churches there. I, myself am very excited and so are all of the brats but Dear One although fine with going to the wedding would much rather stay home than have to go anywhere far. We never take trips and never go on vacation which I am fine with because in all honesty I would rather stay at home most of the time too. I am starting to feel that maybe we are depriving our children though and I think it is about time we started taking them to see more places and things. We can’t really do the beach (many light complexions and a daughter that is allergic to the sun don’t mix so well with beach weather) so I’m thinking Pigeon Forge may be a great alternative. If we like it there and I can talk him into it we may take an actual vacation there next year. For now though I am just hoping to relax and enjoy. More details promised so stay tuned.

So many shoes that I don't know what to do!

“What do other people do with their shoes?” Dear One asked, as he once again tripped over the shoes to get in the door. It was a legitimate question that deserved an answer but I didn’t have an answer. I don’t go through other peoples houses looking to see what they do with their shoes. A basket of shoes outside the front door, shoes piled up at the entrance, shoes in every closet; I don’t know what else to do with them. When you have a family of 6 living in the size house that we do, there are only so many places to hide things. We are not, by any means, shoe crazy people but with this many people, with just a few pair a piece, it becomes overwhelming. So I decided to ask what other people do with their shoes and waited for some miraculous answer. I can now safely tell Dear One the next time he is yelling as tripping over shoes, that we are no different from anyone else but that there are a few options. If he doesn’t want to trip over shoes as he comes through the door, we could move because apparently taking your shoes off at the door is a tradition that varies with where you live. If he wants to be sure there are no spiders in his shoes, we can store them in the big plastic totes. I can constantly remind him that it could be worse, I could be a shoe addict like many people are or I could have a foot fetish or I could leave them in the car all of the time. If all else fails though (and I must admit on some days this is my favorite choice) we can just get rid of the kids because they are the real culprits. So we will continue to do what every one else does and quickly hide the shoes when we know someone is coming.

This post was submitted to a contest at Scribbit.

Pray for those that despitefully use you?

Matthew 5: 43-44

43 –You have heard that it hath been said; Thou shalt love thy neighbor and hate thine enemy.
44 – But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.

The bible teaches us to love our enemies, bless those that curse us, do good to those that hate us and to pray for the people who use us and persecute us. I’m not sure it is entirely possible for us as humans to really practice this. It is so hard to forget the things that people do, we are human and we hang on to the things that hurt us. It is really difficult at times to just turn away from that hurt. I sometimes wonder exactly what Jesus meant when he was saying this. Is it meant more in the way of a popular saying today – Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. Reread the first verse, does it not sound almost exactly like that is where he was going with this statement. So maybe he didn’t mean for us to forget and move on. He meant for us to pray that they would see the error of their ways, meant for us to learn from what they had done to us but to move on and not let it ruin our lives. It doesn’t say we have to continue to let them hurt us or cause havoc in our lives. He only says that we need to love them and pray for them. I personally don’t believe that he expects us to set back and let them despitefully use us over and over.

Romans 16: 17 Now I beseech you, brethren, mark them which cause divisions and offenses contrary to the doctrine which ye have learned; and avoid them.

See he doesn’t expect us to allow people to behave how ever they want and just continue to ignore it and look the other way. We should stand up against the things that people do and say “No I don’t have to be a part of this”. You should mark them and show that you don’t approve of the things that they do. You can still love them, pray for them and bless them without being involved with them. I’m sorry, call me wrong or hypocritical all you want, I know what I believe in my heart is the right thing to do. I don’t care how much twisting they do to try to make me look bad or to get back into our lives; I’m having no part of it. Threats don’t set well with me or work well on me. I’m standing my ground, I know that it’s firm, so I have no trouble standing tall.

You brought home a hitchhiker?

Mike walked in the door yesterday with a hitchhiker. He scared me to death. I thought he had brought home some stranger to help him work on his truck but I looked out the door and it was just Joseph. He couldn’t have been at school more than 30 minutes but oh well. I love what a great Dad he is. When you have four kids it is hard to find time to make them all feel special but we do try. They just spent the whole day working on Mike’s old truck and goofing off. This of course meant that I had to then handle the whole evening by myself because he does have to sleep at some point but that’s just one of the joys of parenthood. This is where friends come in handy!

Sentimentality

Sometimes the things that have significant meaning in your life are in a way hidden. Some of the things that we can get sappy over are surprising and often we make sacrifices before knowing that we are.
Mike's dad is trying to "de-clutter" his house and wanted to replace the dining room table with a smaller one. This table means a lot to Mike so we went about a complicated process of swapping around tables in order to get the desired result. I was not at all prepared for how hard parting with my table would be though. I realize this sounds silly to most of you but this table has been a huge part of our lives. Every time someone would come here for the first time Mike would always tell his story about the table
"Do you know why I bought that table? Because I wanted more kids, so I bought the table and brought it in and when we set down at the table I pointed and said "Look there's an empty seat" and I knew she would just have to fill that seat."
And then I would of course add my part
"Yes, I had just broken my tailbone and I sent my husband out to get groceries and he came home with a new dining room table and who in the world would be thinking about getting their wife pregnant when she just broke her tailbone!"
And then we would both laugh about it. Of course I did fill that seat as soon as my tailbone healed, or actually before it completely healed (don't believe them when they say it will be healed in 6 weeks – it's a lie).
So like I said this table has been a huge part of our lives for quite some time. I still didn't think it would be this sad to see it go. After all it is just a table right? I would do anything to make this man that I love happy; sometimes I wonder what will be left of me in the end though. If I continue to give away my treasures to accommodate others what will I have left for others to cherish when I am gone? Yes, I know that I am over-thinking this whole ordeal and that it probably isn't so much about the table. Sometimes it just seems that sacrifice is a little too much of a sacrifice for me though

Words can't explain

We owe a huge THANKS to so many people.
First to our church family:
There is no way for us to express the comfort that our church family has provided us. It is not a feeling that we are accustomed to having. So many of you went above and beyond to make sure that we knew that we were not alone and that is priceless. It is wonderful to know that there are people who care this much about us. With you and God a situation that would have been unbearable became a lesson for us about what can happen if you just lean on others. Thanks can in no way communicate what we feel right now. God Bless you all.
To my family:
I want to thank you all for helping Mike and me through this rough time. Mom, Thanks so much for keeping the kids and doing everything you could to help. Dad, Thanks for being there when we needed you. For coming to the nursing home to check Priscillia when I knew things weren't right and for being a sounding board for me when I had questions I couldn't ask anyone else. Daniel, Thanks for braving watching the boys and for being a good listener. Christy, Thanks for being there on one of the toughest days of our lives. Elaine, Thanks for calling to check on me, I know that you live far away and that we have never been very close but it meant the world to me that you called to see how we were. You all are a great family and a great support.
To all of our friends:
Thanks for all of the calls of encouragement, the letters and messages, the food, the flowers and the laughs. Thanks especially to all of you who showed up to lend your support and a shoulder to cry on. It was greatly appreciated and will not be forgotten.

Priscillia J. Dickens

Priscilla J. Dickens, 60, of Naoma, passed away Wednesday, April 9, 2008, at Appalachian Regional Hospital in Beckley after a long illness.
She was born Dec. 3, 1947, in Raleigh County, a daughter of the late Aubrey Minnis Vealey and Agnes Dickens.
She was a member of Naoma Freewill Baptist Church.
Besides her parents, she was preceded in death by two sisters, Louise Gunnoe and Lillian Vealey; and a brother, Harless Vealey.
She is survived by her husband of 44 years, Leota Dickens; a daughter, Shannon R. Smerecansky and her husband, Howard, of Naoma; five sons, Aubrey Ray and his wife, Linda, of Beckley, Leota Jr. and his wife, Judy, of Beckley, Wesley Lee and his wife, Misty, of Clear Fork, Mike N. and his wife, Melanie, of Naoma, and Shawn and his wife, Debbie, of Beckley; a brother, Scotty Vealey and his wife, Daisy, of Cleveland, Ohio; 18 grandchildren and 10 great-grandchildren.
Service will be 1 p.m. Saturday, April 12, at Armstrong Funeral Home, Whitesville, with the Rev. Larry Kinder officiating. The singers will be The Turner Family. Interment will follow in Vealey Cemetery, Naoma.
Visitation will be two hours before service at the funeral home.Armstrong Funeral Home, Whitesville, is in charge of arrangements.