Oh Well

 It's 8am and already this morning I've been a short-order cook, a valet, a nurse, a motivational speaker, a disciplinarian, a chauffeur, a barber, and a teacher. I could really use a motivational speech of my own. I feel like I should be done for the day but I still have to be a dishwasher, a maid, a chef, a stock boy(girl actually) and run a laundromat during the day and then a full time chauffeur this evening. What I want to do is set here and write and read other blogs but "Oh well" off I go to get busy again. 

Why can't I post regularly?

That's simple. This is what my day looks like this time of year.

4:50 - Get Hubby up and going. Fix sandwiches for his lunch. 

5:15 - Audrey up and getting ready. 

5:20- Hubby leaves. 

5:30- Jo up to shower. 

5:45- Drew up to shower. 

6:20- Drive to bus stop

6:30- Home. Shower. Load of clothes in washer. Load dishwasher. 

7:30- Matt up to shower. Finish getting ready. 

8:15- Leave for Matt's school. 

8:30 to 1:00- Work Santa's workshop. 

1:15- Home. Switch out Laundry. Cook Dinner. Pick up the house as much as possible. 

3:00- Get 3 oldest kids off bus. Feed them. 

3:20- Leave. An hour drive to Beckley plus a little driving around to make sure we were in the right place. 

4:45- Drop Audrey off for practice. 

5:00- Mom's to visit for a few minutes and drop off pants for her to hem. 

5:40- Leave Mom's and take Jo to CAP. 

6:00- Drop Jo at CAP and go to pick Audrey up from practice. 

6:30- Pick Audrey up.

6:30 to 8:30- Shop for Santa's workshop. Spend a few minutes chilling out with Audrey at McDonalds. 

9:00- Pick Jo up from CAP. Stop at store and pick up a few things. Drive an hour home. 

10:00- Home. Get everyone settled in bed. Put last load of clothes for the day in the dryer. Do a few odds and ends. Watch a little TV to relax and then CRASH. So that I can get up tomorrow and do another day of the same kind of thing. 

     Let me also mention that Drew had to be at his school at 5:30 for a choir concert at 6:00 so Hubby had a wonderful evening too. I hated to miss the concert but guess what I get to do Thursday? Spend the day on the bus and at schools with the choir for concerts!! Yay!! I will be glad when Christmas break gets here. 

What has my toughest parenting challenge been?

This is not an easy post for me to write. It is something that I have struggled with a lot lately as both a mother who really cares about the adults my children will someday be and a Christian. Trying to raise a daughter in this world that we live in is not an easy task at all and I find myself feeling that I have done her a huge disfavor. We have to teach our daughters from a young age to be careful about who they trust, to protect themselves from the dangers this world can hold for them but I'm starting to feel like that has done damage. She is too guarded and too critical. Some days I feel like that isn't my fault, that it is just her personality because she is a lot like her daddy in that regard. There are days though that it breaks my heart and I feel like I have failed her. How do we walk that line and stay on the right side of it? How do you know when it's enough and when it's too much? How do you teach them that they shouldn't let anyone make them do something they are uncomfortable with but not teach them to be completely uncompromising? How do I teach her to be an independent woman but also teach her that a Christian wife should submit to the Godly decisions that her husband makes? I hope that the example I set makes a difference but I have no doubt about how much I have failed in that area. I strive daily to do better but people, even (or maybe especially) our children, tend to remember the bad that we have done and not the good. My daughter is a wonderful person, so very responsible and mature and I want so much for her but more than any of the things I would hope for my children, I hope for their happiness. I'm afraid she will let that pass her by out of shear stubbornness.

This has been the shortest/longest summer ever

So today is the kids first day back to school and while on one hand it wasn't much of a summer because all it did was rain. On the other hand it was the longest summer ever because all it did was rain. We didn't get to do a whole lot of anything for so many reasons (many of which I will cover in the next few days I'm sure). I was at a point that the first day of school couldn't have come soon enough. I couldn't even think anymore. Having 3 growing boys is absolutely exhausting. I'm so ready to get back to some type of normalcy and one thing I know for sure. Next summer is going to have to be a little more planned out and structured and include at least one GREAT vacation.

More Chaos

Another period of chaos around here. It's funny, I thought as my kids got older that would become less of an issue but that just doesn't seem to be the case. I guess when they were younger I had more control over the germs that they passed back and forth. Now when one of them gets something, it seems that they all do. Although Matt did get pink eye without passing it on to the others, even though they caught his cold. I went 6 days without having a moment to myself and it left me wondering how in the world I survived them all being little.

Matt's sinus infection cleared up but on the morning I had to take him back for the check-up he woke up with pink eye and a cold. So he was home for 5 days because of the pink eye, during that time Jo sprained his ankle and Audrey caught the cold. Then as soon as they got better Drew caught the cold. The week before they all started getting sick was the book fair at the younger kids school and the week after was the beginning of Little League baseball season. Drew had to go to the final day of Major League try-outs sick but he made the team. It seems things are calming down and Spring is trying to take hold, so I have hope.

I have all kinds of updates to give you and lots of things I want to blog about so I'm going to try to start posting more regularly.

Sleep Thinking

I don't dream, at least not often and when I do it's usually not good. This week has brought some weird sleep for me. I'm not dreaming, at least I don't think it is dreams. It's more like I'm thinking the whole time I'm asleep. It is beyond annoying. Everytime I wake up, and that has been a lot, I have something on my mind and I know that I have been "thinking" about it while I'm sleeping. I am worried about a few things but it's not really anymore than I always have to worry about. I am getting extremely tired, extremely. It is like my mind is never resting and I suppose it probably isn't. I've never experienced this before, it has me wondering if I'm normal (nevermind that, I already know the answer to that HaHa). I'm really hoping it's all about one certain thing that I'm worrying about and that it will all be over soon. Mattman, our youngest, hasn't felt good for awhile and is going to the doctor today. It's nothing specific, he just feels bad in general. Not eating well, not sleeping well, he is really pale and he stays so tired. If he sits down for long, he is asleep. It's not something that would normally have me over worried but he's been like this before. When he was about 3 he got like this and we took him to the doctor. They told us that his levels could only mean one thing - that he had leukemia. When we took him back in a week to do the follow up tests, to try to determine exactly what type he had, everything was clear. That was a hard couple of weeks though that included everyone that we knew praying. I just can't imagine having to go through that again or having to deal with something really being bad wrong with him. I know that we could, I just don't want to have to. Who does! I'm hoping it's something simple and that after we figure it out my sleep can go back to normal. I don't like thinking in my sleep!!

Sometimes..... Life gets in the way.

I've been gone for awhile.... again. I know. Sometimes though life really does get in the way of the things that we love to do. Sometimes it bogs us down and drowns our everyday joy. Sometimes we let it become a burden rather than a pleasure. With 4 kids there are so many things that I have to deal with on a daily basis that it is easy to let myself slide. I love writing and this blog is the best way I have had of doing that for a long time. I had started devoting a little too much time to it and too little time to my family. So I took the holidays off and spent the time with them but now I seem to have lost myself once again in their world. I'm working to find a balance between the two sides of my life and its not easy. I want to be the mother I need to be but I find that if I'm not careful I lose myself in that process and then what kind of a mother am I being. I am not a perfect person, there are so many things about myself that I struggle with, there are so many things that I would like to change and I feel that I have to start working on those sooner rather than later. When I think about all of the things that I need or want to do it often turns into a vicious cycle for me. I can think of so many things that it overwhelms, then I start to get depressed and that leads to me doing even less which of course then adds more things that I need or want to do. I'm going to find a way to change, a way that isn't overwhelming, a way that I can be the person I want to be. I may not post as regularly as I was but I will be posting again and you may want to stick around and see what I come up with. Hopefully it will be good and it will work.

Repenting for Absence!!

I haven't been around much I know. The journey with my daughters health has become a lot more complicated than we counted on. The Costochondritis is doing pretty good, it still bothers her at times but as it started getting better something else started showing up. She has almost completely lost her appetite and this revealed a problem with her sugar. This along with a few other symptoms has the doctor thinking that she may have PCOS or polycystic ovarian syndrome. We are going through some different tests right now to rule out other things and see if this is what she has. There is no specific test for it so the way to prove it is to rule out the other things it could be. They did fasting bloodwork Friday morning and I have to take her one day this week to do a glucose tolerance test. Then we go from there. The thing that worries me the most about this is that from what I've read it can make it very difficult to have children. Right now she thinks this is a blessing but how will she feel when she's 2o or 30. Not the same I'm sure. I will keep you guys updated and hopefully be able to post more. She has actually made it through a whole day of school today (as I'm writing they have 20 minutes till they get on the bus so I'm counting my chickens before they hatch). I hate that she has missed so much school but there isn't much point in being there if she is about to pass out and unable to concentrate.

Nothing Normal

This family, I swear. We never do anything normal. That especially goes for my oldest, my only daughter. She has never had an illness that was just something normal. When she was 5 she had a bad allergic reaction, when we figured out what she was allergic to it only happened to be the slime that a woolly worm leaves behind on the leaves in the fall. When she was in 5th grade she got an infection in her leg and it couldn't be just any infection it had to be cellulitis (look it up it's rare in kids) that turned out to be Staff and Strep when they finally cut her leg open to drain it. Now in the present, she got a little bug, we all did, nothing bad just some congestion etc. She starts having chest pains and hurting badly in her back and ribs. Even though she hasn't had a cough I'm figuring it has turned into bronchitis or maybe pneumonia. I take her to the doctor and she has Costochondritis. This is an inflammation of the cartilage in the chest. It was probably caused by a virus but jeez couldn't she just have something normal. They said it could take a few weeks to get over but I really don't think she is getting any better at all. Her chest hurts, she is having trouble taking in deep breaths and she is still so tired. I guess time will tell. I don't want to let her go back to school tomorrow but she is begging me to. Again with the weirdness, most kids would love the excuse to stay home from school legitimately. Nothing normal with her, I'm telling you.

October is CRAZY!!!

That's about all I can say. Next year I am just going to forewarn or write a bunch of posts ahead of time because October is just CRAZY in this house. It is the only time of year that is like this. It seems that everything in our lives converges at this point. All the ballgames, all of the activities, the beginning of hunting season, Halloween and then anything that can go wrong - going wrong. It seems that I don't have a minute to spare, let along do anything extra. I'm sorry I haven't been keeping up my end of the deal around here but I will pick up the slack soon. Things should be getting ready to calm down, at least as much as they do around here. It's all part of the Mommy Business I suppose. I'm trying to write a few things now and get back into the swing of things. Hopefully I will be back in action soon.

No right to Self-Defense may be a huge part of the problem.

I’m a little bothered today and am looking for a few different views on this so if you feel so inclined please leave me a comment and chime in.

We got a call this morning from the Middle School and Joe was in a “fight”. He has had trouble with this kid for years, I’m not sure what the problem is, I really like the kids parents and I know they are good parents but for some reason he and Joe cannot get along. So they got into a little argument over touch football in gym and the boy came after Joe and was choking him (trust me Mr. Perfectly Stubborn grilled the teacher to make sure Joe didn’t start it). In his defense and to get the boy off of him Joe punched him twice in the face. They both got 5 days of suspension from school. Here is where my dilemma comes in.

I know that the school has a No Bullying policy and they also have a No Violence policy but it seems to me that at some point these two collide. What was my son suppose to do? Am I supposed to teach my child to let people hurt him and just stand there and take it? I can guarantee you that won’t happen. When a kid is attacked, do they not have the right to protect and defend themselves? Does this not, in and of itself, lead to more bullying? I can’t seem to find the logic in these guidelines that they have set up. No, we do not condone violence. Our children know that if they start a fight they will be severely punished but we also will not teach them to allow themselves to be trampled on by others. It seems, in my motherly mind anyway, that the school should have discretion in these matters. They should be able to decide on a case by case basis whether the kid was justified in defending themselves or not. I could understand if he had laid into the kid and not stopped but he merely did what he had to do at the time. I know that the school has no choice; they have to follow the guidelines set out for them. I’m just thinking that maybe these guidelines should be altered and the schools given a little more control in these matters. It seems there should be some middle ground because having it set up this way may be what is encouraging bullying in today’s schools because a good kid who doesn’t start trouble and fears getting kicked out of school is going to be less likely to
stand up for himself.

I am not saying that my son was being bullied, or that he did not deserve to be punished, it just bothered me that they have cut off a kids own means of self-defense and forced them to either "rat" on their classmates or take abuse. For the kids in the school that are being bullied it seems there is no good way out. It is either get in trouble, put yourself in a position to be picked on by more people or set back and let someone dump on you. None of those options are good. Our kids should be allowed to stand up for themselves at this point, in small ways, before it gets to the point that they are walking through those school doors with guns and hatred.

Pox confusion

I actually had time today to get a few things done. The truck was in bad need of some routine maintenance so that was first on my list. No sooner had I arrived at the shop than Mr. Perfectly Stubborn started calling. When I finished talking to the guy about the truck and called back he told me that he had to go pick up Jo. He had broken out the night before on his neck and back. We had decided that a bug had got in his shirt and bit him a bunch of times. It looked a little worse this morning but I gave him some Benedryl and put Caladryl on them and sent him to school. They were now itching so bad that he couldn't stand it and needed to be picked up. Mr. Perfectly Stubborn was perfect today and took him to the doctor for me. Despite the fact that he has had his vaccination he has the Chicken Pox. I'm confused, why do they get the shot if they can still get chicken pox after having it? They say that it will be a milder case - we shall see. I've been reading about the vaccine since I got back and I am left with a lot of questions. They aren't sure how long the effectiveness of it lasts and if I remember right it is worse to get it when you are older. I'm wondering how this effects getting shingles when you get older too. All of my kids have had their shots for this but now I'm wondering how smart of an idea that was.

I'm having a guilt ridden day!!

The kids are back to school and I love it. I've been so busy the last few days though that I haven't had the chance to enjoy it like I want. The older they get, the more complicated our lives get. I want my kids to be involved in things though. I have felt guilty for years because it is too hard for us to do a lot of things. I get the comment all the time from people that they don't see why it is any harder just because we have more kids but it is. It really is. How do you make one kid suffer so that the other can do something. You have to figure out where to draw the line and some things are just too hard to coordinate. I wish that the boys could play on the Football League but it is just too complicated. If I had any kind of help at all with the kids it would be simpler but we really don't have anyone that we can count on to help with them. So we had to say that they could play once they are old enough to play for the school but then that puts them at a disadvantage because all of the other boys have more experience. It is just so hard sometimes to figure out what is the right thing to do. How much is too much but then when is it not enough? We do baseball because there are no conflicts with any other school activities at that time and if they don't want to play that is fine too. I guess I'm just feeling guilty right now because Joe started Middle School and a lot of the boys that he played football with when we tried to let him play are big buddies of course and now I'm thinking about how much of an advantage he would have had if he had been playing with them all this time and already had all of those relationships built. I want to give my kids every advantage that I can but at what cost. That is the dilemma.

2 vs. 3

I have 3 boys. They give me a run for my money. I have been wondering here lately why it is that when one of them is gone my life is so much easier. It doesn't matter which one, you can take away any one and it gives me the same result. My day is a lot easier. They are good kids, for the most part but when you put all 3 of them together it just seems to breed chaos. Two of them will play all day together and I will not hear a peep out of them. When all three of them are here I never quit hearing it. This is a phenomenon that I can not figure out. It makes it very tempting to find a revolving permanent babysitter though.

Our Family History

Part 5:Drew should Love Roller Coasters

We took a trip, 6 hours each way in between two car seats, a few days with family, a trip to the zoo and I spent the whole time throwing up and feeling horrible. By the time we got home I was just thrilled to be there, to be able to go to bed, in my bed. Days later when I still didn't feel well I started to get worried. I had been on birth control since Joe was born but I had gotten sick and missed a cycle, they did a pregnancy test which was negative, told me to quit taking the birth control and start a different kind after I had a cycle. We did use birth control in between, I swear but apparently within days of going off the pills I was pregnant. Not a big deal, we wanted more kids right; only one problem. At the time Joe was only 9 months old. From the moment we found out for sure, our lives and especially my emotions were a roller coaster. I begged Hubby in the doctors' office not to tell anyone yet, to give me awhile to adjust and he said we would talk about it later. He left the room while the doctor did some other things and by the time I got to the waiting room he had already called people. So I immediately had to listen to how stupid everyone thought I was, on top of having to deal with feeling stupid and overwhelmed. I was horribly sick, as usual and just an all around mess. I was scared and depressed. I had no idea how I was going to handle this. I spent most of my time pregnant rocking and crying. I scared Hubby, he sold all of his guns and hid all of the knives. He was convinced I was going to lose it. It was actually the easiest of all of my pregnancies but I am now convinced that was because I just didn't notice. I was out of it, pretty much. When I went to the doctor and she finally sent me to the hospital I was actually excited; for the first time. Excited to get this part over and figure out how I was going to survive this life I had created for myself. I was still only 21 and although more mature than most 21 year old's not at all prepared to have all of these kids. As was the pattern they induced me but all did not go as planned. The pains got intense fast and things were hectic and crazy. Somehow I was given and extra dose of Staydol and was completely messed up. I don't really remember anything about the actual birth and only bits and pieces from afterward. I was pretty out of it and most things were told to me later or I wouldn't know them. I can remember knowing that things weren't right, feeling that something was very wrong. I can remember Hubby and Mom looked worried. I can remember my little brother coming to visit and looking very scared. They weren't able to stop the bleeding and get my uterus to contract back up. They had everyone praying for me and when they were ready to put me on the table and do a hysterectomy, it finally stopped. Drew was born at a little after 8 that evening but I didn't make it to a room until after 12 that night. What I remember most is when I woke up. It was very early morning when I woke up and I could not remember a thing. Mom was gone and Hubby was sleeping so deep that I could not wake him up. I searched through the room until I found the little card they give you. I took it to the nursery, handed it to the nurse and said "I think I have a baby here." She looked at me like I was completely crazy and said "You think". Thankfully another nurse, who apparently was there for part of the chaos the night before, was standing there and told her I probably really wasn't sure. She took the card and brought me my son. He was so amazing, it felt so perfect when she put him in my arms. I leaned over and gave him that First Kiss, the first of many and I knew that everything was going to be alright. We were both alive and it didn't get any better than that.

Next:Drew should love Roller Coasters Pt.2

This post was submitted to a contest at Scribbit.

How do you know where the line is?

A little over a month ago I wrote a post about getting my kids and their messes under control. We did good for a little while and then, as I predicted, I became reliably inconsistent. I have been doing a lot of thinking about why I am like this and I want to pose a question. How much should you make your kids do? I have found that I seem to feel guilty for making them do things around the house. I like to tell myself that they need to do it, to learn to be responsible and I know that's the truth. I feel like I should be doing the work, I feel like I am just being lazy when I make them do it. How do I know where to draw that line? When does it cross the line between teaching them and using them? If I could get a clear cut line in my mind I think it would be much easier to follow through. I guess that is the next thing to work out in my mind. Any opinions are welcomed.

I may faint!

After almost ten years of not going anywhere we are now going on our second trip in 2 months. We are on the road as I am writing this. Hopefully I will have internet somewhere to post it. The last real trip we took before my brothers wedding was to the same place we are going now and we had Dear One’s mom with us. It’s been a little hard for him, I’m sure, the memories of having her with us. It was a miserable trip but one that we would give anything to relive now. We only had 2 kids then, Audrey would have been around 3 and Jo was just a baby. I was pregnant with Drew and didn’t know it, thus the reason for it being a miserable trip. I was sick and uncomfortable the whole time. Then before we knew it we had 4 small kids and not much money so going anywhere besides to the store to buy milk and diapers was out of the question. So to have the freedom and money to go now is a blessing. We will probably be home before most of you read this, Dear One doesn’t stay anywhere for long but still the kids will have been able to see a new place and have a few new experiences. Traveling with kids is never pleasant, no matter their age and I’m quite sure teenagers are the worst!!

I just wish he didn't trust me so much.

One of my favorite quotes has forever been

I know God will not give me anything that I can't handle.
I just wish he didn't trust me so much.
~Mother Teresa

I was looking at my daughter today and this quote came to my mind. Did God know what he was doing when he gave me these children to raise? I think that he did. Sometimes there are situations that leave me wondering what on earth he was thinking. Had he met me at the time? I was a 17 year old kid without a clue what she was doing. I have grown up with my kids and while that has been interesting I'm not sure it provided them with the best mother possible. I can already look back and see so many mistakes that I have made. The guilt of having 4 kids is overwhelming at times, there is not a possible way to provide all of them with the time that they deserve and Audrey has probably drawn the shortest stick from that pile. I try now to make up for what she missed all of those years that I was barefoot and pregnant. I hope that I have taught her well. There are times that we have to make decisions that are hard, when we know that someone that we care about is going to get hurt by what we say or do but make the decision to do the right thing anyway.Life isn't always easy, in fact it seldom is but being able to say "I did the right thing" is priceless. I hope at least that I have taught her that.

60 days till school starts!!

Under control?

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up

is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing. ~Phyllis Diller

I have already had a glimpse of what my summer is going to be like and I’m not having any of it. So when the kids get up today I am laying down the law. It is time for them to realize that Mommy is not here to be their slave. They have got to be responsible for themselves. I have tried in the past but it is a hard thing to accomplish with 4 kids in a house this small. So I have a new plan. I can’t punish one without punishing them all (did I mention that we live in a shoe box?) so I have come up with a new idea. I have lists made up of what they need to do and all of the conditions lined up. For their morning chores I have decided that they will be doing nothing until they are done. The TV will not come on, they will not use the computer or phone and they will not go outside and play. In the evenings they are going to pick up any and all messes they made during the day and do their tasks for helping to clean up after supper or they will not get to do any of the aforementioned things for an extra hour after they get their morning chores done. I hate to punish them all if just one of them is being lazy but I have no other way to do it. I’m hoping they will put enough pressure on each other (without getting too mean about it) that they will each get their things done without making a fuss. I am reliably inconsistent so all of you keep your fingers crossed for me. This is the first of many battles that I will have to fight this summer, I am sure, but if I can get this one thing under control the rest should be much easier.

From Honor to Failure

Thursday Audrey got inducted into the National Junior Honor Society and that night got an award for being first in her math class. We are very proud of her, she is an excellent student and a wonderful person (at least when she’s away from the confines of our home). Friday I had to go and talk to the principal of the boys’ school and make sure they weren’t going to fail Joseph. What a comparison that is! What really gets me is that I know that he has the potential to do as good, if not better, than she does in school. It is just so frustrating to sit back and watch him not even try. I cannot understand this attitude that he has, I cannot figure out where it comes from and it just makes no sense to me. I am hoping that if we send him on to Junior High that a lot of the problems will stay behind at the Elementary School. I am not saying that the school is completely to blame but a lot of the problems do stem from there. My son is being lazy but if you allow a 10 year old the freedom to be lazy what do you think they are going to do? He does not need to have that choice; he should be made to do the work and punished for not doing it. We haven’t been able to do what we would normally either because we can’t get them to tell us what he should be doing, what he is doing and what he isn’t doing. It has just been a mess of a year with him and I am so ready to move on to a new start. I am so tempted at this point to talk bad about his teacher but I am going to keep that to myself. It might make me feel better for a few minutes but it wouldn’t help the situation any, so I will bite my tongue. Here’s to hoping a clean slate and a little guidance is exactly what he needs.

Side Note - I'm always looking for information to help me with Joseph and I have found an article about a book that I am going to have to find and read. I will let you know what I think of it. You can see the article here and here is a link to the information about the book. It may just be more crap but most of the time you have to read a lot of crap to find the few gems out there.