Friday, June 29, 2007

Heaven Help Me

I know I've heard it before; we shouldn't try to turn country songs into songs for God. This song is absolutely tremendous though. Just listen to it - it's in my play list. I don't believe it can be said any better. How many of us haven't been confronted with temptation and that temptation usually comes from a need for comfort of some type. It never resolves our problem though only leaves us with more questions and prayers to be prayed. We have all hurt the ones who love us the most and absolutely refused to admit that we did anything wrong but in the end that shame always wins out in one way or another. All we can ever do is ask for help from God. Have you ever read the entire Serenity prayer? It follows the same line of thought. All that we can do is all that we can, the rest is up to God. And as the song says – Faith above all else!!!!

The Serenity Prayer
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will;That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him Forever in the next.Amen.
--Reinhold Niebuhr

"Heaven Help Me"
I'm no stranger to temptation
I have found some comfort there
But it only leaves me with questions
Never answers, only prayers
I've been as high as angels fly and I've fallen straight to hell
Heaven help me
Heaven help me
'Cause I can't help myself
I have wounded those who love me
And refused to take the blame
I have hidden all my demons
But I cannot hide my shame
I've forgotten who I am
But I know you know me well
Heaven help me
Heaven help me
'Cause I can't help myself
Give me wisdom, give me strength
Give me faith above all else
Heaven help me
Heaven help me
'Cause I can't help myself
Heaven help me
Heaven help me
'Cause I can't help myself

Wednesday, June 27, 2007


I love it when I hear preaching that is honest and straight from the heart. Tonight that is what I got and it really hit home. I have really been in a slump lately but that has been because I have been all about SELF. Not to go back to my pity party but I must explain the slump. I am truly alone, I have no one to lean on or depend on. No help or support, no relief ever from my kids or my life with them. BUT I have God and that is all that matters. I have to quit worrying about my wants and desires and focus on what God wants for my life.
There is absolutely nothing that I can do to ensure that anyone in this world will like me or be pleased with me but God on the other hand has made that simple. He loves me NO MATTER what and all I must do to keep him pleased with me is try my best to stay in His will for my life. Serve people and they will tolerate you and maybe even be pleased for the time being but it will not make them truly love you. There is nothing I can do besides be myself and treat people in the way that God would have me to. If that leaves me alone in this world then God has a reason for that.
I have never been a very likeable person, not someone that most people can get close to and I know that it is something about me although I'm not sure what. Maybe if I give in to God he can change that too. So time to get rid of self and figure out what God wants from my life. Time for a BRAND NEW ME!!!!

Saturday, June 23, 2007

Maybe I'm just crazy that way

I know I'm really going to hear about this one but some things just need to be said. When the elementary school did their yearbooks this year they had a little section where you could pay and put a message to your kid in the back(which by the way was a really cool idea). So Audrey is setting and looking at the boy's yearbook and she says "Mom did you see this It's ridiculous." She is a bit dramatic so I thought here we go again but this time it was my turn to be dramatic!! Hate me all that you want but you DO NOT drag my kids into the middle of it and go out of your way to try to make them feel bad!!!!!!!!!!! There are notes in there from Mike's parents to part of their grandkids. First of all we all know who paid for them, I know that they didn't and I'm not blaming them even if they did. I know where the hatred comes from. There is a note to the 2 that belong to her and also one to Shawn's girl (although there isn't one from him and his wife so we know they didn't do it either – again not blaming them.). Again I'll say hate me all you want but do not hurt my kids because of it. I have done my best to stay out of your way, even given up the church that I grew up in and still you can't be satisfied. How could you do that to my children? Do you think that they understand that it is hatred from you and not that their grandparents don't love them as much as they love your kids? Of course they don't!!!!! I'm quoting here –"To Isaiah Smerecansky, You are our best buddy! We love you so much! Pawpaw and Mawmaw" How is that suppose to make my boys feel? Hopefully they will never notice it, I'm sure not going to point it out to them but if they do they will be devastated. I know it's going to be the same old "I wasn't thinking" excuse if it's ever discussed and I know you will hear about this from someone and maybe read it from someone else's account. I truly hope that you feel like a dog for it, I honestly don't know how you live with yourself.
I know your going to spew the whole Christians have to love line again and to that I say….. Yes we do but we don't have to love your ways!!! We are to mark those who cause divisions and stay away from them (read your bible)! I do believe I would call this causing a division and we all know that it's not the first one. We love you, you are family and you are one of God's creations but you are not someone that we can allow to continue to poison our lives. Although you seem to continue to be able to do that even from a distance.
Now I am truly sorry if I offended anyone with this, there is a history that goes with it that some know and some don't and I am truly hurt and disappointed that grownups can't leave kids out of their disputes. I for one would never drag kids into a dispute that I had with anyone, it seems to me the sensible thing to do. But maybe I'm just crazy that way.

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Give a Mom a break? Please!

First let me start with a disclaimer. I would do anything to make my kids happy and to help them do well in life. That said:
When does Mom get a break? Our lives are so busy anymore that it seems there is no time left to just have fun. When we were young that was what the summer was for but now that is even pretty much gone. Baseball won't be over until tomorrow, Audrey started Summer Volleyball practices yesterday and Matthew brought home a huge pack of summer work (so that he doesn't forget what he learned in preschool before he gets to Kindergarten). Don't get me wrong all of these things are great and they do help the kids out but where did Summer Vacation go? Do we put too much pressure on our kids? Do they ever get a chance to just be kids? Then we wonder why kids grow up so fast now. I know, I know. I'm going to get a lot of complaints about this one but its true. We want them to be able to do all the things their friends do and we want them to be good at everything and we want them to have a great future but at what cost. Our retirement age is so high already now and you know it will be higher by the time they get there (if they have one at all) so why not let them just have a childhood and worry about all of these things in the future.
I can't change the world and I know if I want my kids to do well at the things that they love that they need any edge they can get but it just seems to me that we learned so much about life from just hanging out during the summers. Is there a lesson that they are missing? Will they know how to just have fun with their families when they have them? Do they know that Mom loves them just because she does, even if they aren't doing something "spectacular"? Do they realize that Mom can just chill and be fun at times too? We have to spend so much time making sure that they do what they need to do and that they get to where they need to go that I think just maybe they are missing out on a few valuable lessons!!
Update: Audrey went for her check up for her knee and they think that it is going to heal itself. It is doing really good and she is starting to build it back up slowly now after NO use for 6 wks. Don't have to go back for a year unless it gets bad again. Praise the Lord!!!