Saturday, March 20, 2010
I need some peace. There seems to be no way of finding it lately. Between the horrible winter that we have had and all of the crazy things that go on in this thing that I call my life, there is no peace. Some days I just need a few minutes to myself to cry because most of the time that is what I feel like doing. I guess most Mothers feel the same things that I am feeling. Like a failure, like there isn't any way that I can be all of the things that I need to be, like I let everyone in this house down on a daily basis. These feelings have been overwhelming me lately with all of the things that are going on. I looked for a little support but as usual that was a mistake, he ended up throwing it right back in my face (I just wrote and deleted that sentence 3 times but remembered that is now what I'm here for, the release). I don't like to show that kind of weakness in front of my kids but if I can't find some quiet peace soon this dam is going to burst.
Monday, March 15, 2010
I have set down and written posts quite a few times lately and then deleted them. I feel like I need to be witty and wise and most days I just don't have the energy for that. So I am dropping all pretext and am no longer even going to try. I'm going to write what is on my mind, what I am feeling, what we are going through - well you get the idea. It may just be a few lines and it may be more. I need a release and this is the only real way to get it(at least for me). I have to quit worrying about perfection and just allow myself to be. I am going to try to write something everyday. Where ever I have to do it from, what ever it takes and even if it is incoherent to most people.