Why can't I post regularly?

That's simple. This is what my day looks like this time of year.

4:50 - Get Hubby up and going. Fix sandwiches for his lunch. 

5:15 - Audrey up and getting ready. 

5:20- Hubby leaves. 

5:30- Jo up to shower. 

5:45- Drew up to shower. 

6:20- Drive to bus stop

6:30- Home. Shower. Load of clothes in washer. Load dishwasher. 

7:30- Matt up to shower. Finish getting ready. 

8:15- Leave for Matt's school. 

8:30 to 1:00- Work Santa's workshop. 

1:15- Home. Switch out Laundry. Cook Dinner. Pick up the house as much as possible. 

3:00- Get 3 oldest kids off bus. Feed them. 

3:20- Leave. An hour drive to Beckley plus a little driving around to make sure we were in the right place. 

4:45- Drop Audrey off for practice. 

5:00- Mom's to visit for a few minutes and drop off pants for her to hem. 

5:40- Leave Mom's and take Jo to CAP. 

6:00- Drop Jo at CAP and go to pick Audrey up from practice. 

6:30- Pick Audrey up.

6:30 to 8:30- Shop for Santa's workshop. Spend a few minutes chilling out with Audrey at McDonalds. 

9:00- Pick Jo up from CAP. Stop at store and pick up a few things. Drive an hour home. 

10:00- Home. Get everyone settled in bed. Put last load of clothes for the day in the dryer. Do a few odds and ends. Watch a little TV to relax and then CRASH. So that I can get up tomorrow and do another day of the same kind of thing. 

     Let me also mention that Drew had to be at his school at 5:30 for a choir concert at 6:00 so Hubby had a wonderful evening too. I hated to miss the concert but guess what I get to do Thursday? Spend the day on the bus and at schools with the choir for concerts!! Yay!! I will be glad when Christmas break gets here. 

I need some peace. There seems to be no way of finding it lately. Between the horrible winter that we have had and all of the crazy things that go on in this thing that I call my life, there is no peace. Some days I just need a few minutes to myself to cry because most of the time that is what I feel like doing. I guess most Mothers feel the same things that I am feeling. Like a failure, like there isn't any way that I can be all of the things that I need to be, like I let everyone in this house down on a daily basis. These feelings have been overwhelming me lately with all of the things that are going on. I looked for a little support but as usual that was a mistake, he ended up throwing it right back in my face (I just wrote and deleted that sentence 3 times but remembered that is now what I'm here for, the release). I don't like to show that kind of weakness in front of my kids but if I can't find some quiet peace soon this dam is going to burst. 

She's always had an attitude

I am so mad right now that I could (wait I'm thinking of a good analogy) spit nails. My daughter has an attitude, her fathers attitude actually, and anyone who is around her for long knows it. I have worked hard and talked until I'm blue in the face to try to get her to see how much this effects her whole volleyball team. Tonight every single bit of that effort went down the drain. I know that the attitude that she takes with the coaches at times is not great but it could be worse, instead of running her mouth she crosses her arms and makes faces. You can generally tell when she is aggravated with the other girls, she has trouble hiding it. Tonight though, the first night of tournaments, she was doing good. She was keeping a cheerful attitude most of the time and was playing great. The first time she got a little bit of an attitude, the coaches started jumping onto her. Threatened to set her on the bench if she didn't drop the attitude and kept jumping on to her. Of course now she really had an attitude and was having a huge problem controlling her emotions and keeping herself from crying. I just don't get it. Her attitude has been far worse than it was tonight at all of the other games they have played. Why did they pick tonight when she was actually controlling herself to decide to jump onto her. They ruined any progress I made because why should she even try if she is going to get jumped onto anyway. I am just so furious and even more furious because of the reason that they probably did it and the attitude that one of the girls took when they did. I have seen her attitude too and I guarantee if the coach talked to her the way that he talks to my daughter her mom would be throwing a fit. Just because my daughter is tough and has an attitude, doesn't mean she doesn't have emotions. She has feelings just like the rest of them, she is a 13 year old girl not a grown-up and it makes me sick that they can put more pressure on her but she is not suppose to respond to it. I am plain. old. fed. up!!!! If they start tomorrow, she will be setting the bench of her on volition. She has already been instructed. If she had been showing herself tonight I would have been fine with it but she wasn't. I know I'm repeating myself and babbling at this point, so I will shut up. Tomorrow may be bad.

Hectic Schmectic

I have to go get the kids Halloween costumes today. Yes, you heard me right. I am a horrible Mother and my kids still don't have costumes. I can honestly not think back to a day that we would have had time to do it though. So today is the day and hopefully we can still find them something decent. I will let you know how that goes.

A few side notes:
As for the camera I got - It is a Fuji Finepix S8100fd. I'm still learning how to use some of the features, actually most of the features but it is so going to ROCK! I eventually want a fancy shmancy camera but not until I get a little better at taking pictures (and can afford to blow that kind of money). This camera was free, so to speak. My husband gets points at work for safety and they have a catalog from which to choose things to spend the points on. Therefore I have no money in it.
As for all of the wonderful comments- Thank You all so much. It's so great to get feedback from people. Plus all of the ideas for giving myself a time-out were great. I promise to start trying to find time for myself, somewhere. Seriously though you guys are the greatest!!

I would walk a mile for a.....

time out. I soooo need a time out right now. Just a few minutes to reflect on the way I've been acting, Please. It gets so overwhelming sometimes and I know that my attitude sucks when it's like that but noone will give me even a second to think about how I'm acting, so how am I suppose to correct it? I can't wait till things calm down and get better. My kids are in school, I'm suppose to have a little ME time but somehow that isn't happening. Will somebody put me in time out please!! Of course if I had time to walk I would have my time out and stress relief so.......it's just a vicious cycle I guess

Relaxin' at the Laundromat

I live in an area that still doesn't have city water, although it is currently being put in (I actually saw them working on it this morning) but I digress, so at times we get low on water. Not enough rain = me having to drag clothes for 6 people to the laundromat. Trust me this is not an easy task but when I was telling someone that I had gone their comment was"Well it must be nice to get to go there and just sit around waiting on your clothes and not have to be home working on things" Say what?

6:30 - Back from putting first round of kids on the bus. Starting sorting through clothes and put them in the baskets
7:30 - Get the other kids up, get them ready. Finish getting clothes
together.
8:10- Load clothes in truck.
8:15- Put kids on bus and head to laundromat.
9:1o - Carry in clothes and load them in washers.
9:40 to 9:55 - Rest
9:55 to 10:15-Switch clothes to dryers as they finish.
10:15 to 10:25- Rest
10:25 to 10:45-Continuously check dryers and add change
10:45 to 11:15-Get out dry clothes and fold them.
11:15- Give up on all clothes getting dry and just throw the rest of them in baskets.
11:25-11:45 - Load all clothes back in truck, figuring out how to get them all in the front because it has started raining.

Then spend the evening and half of the next day drying, sorting, folding, hanging and putting up clothes. So you can see it doesn't exactly make for a stress-free day of relaxing. Plus the cost of washing the clothes was staggering. I had to load 2 giant washers and 6 triple loaders which cost $27 and then 11 dryers that I ended up putting $14 dollars in. It definately wouldn't take many of those trips to pay for a washer and dryer. That is just crazy. I so can't wait until they get the city water finished and I no longer have to worry about this anymore.

If I could rearrange three things about my life.....

they would be.
1. My entire house. It is too small but that isn't the biggest problem. It is just not arranged in a way that makes it easy to keep things where they belong. I would change the closets and the storage in the bathroom and so many other things. All in time I guess though. This one is an easy fix with a little time and money.
2. My education. I loved learning, I had Honors classes in High School but then I got married at 16 and didn't finish 12th grade(long story). I got my GED with ease and tried to go on to college but it just didn't work out (I will have to tell this story soon). I love my kids but it would have been nice to get that college degree. This is another easy fix with a little time and a lot of money.
3. My place in it. As a wife and mommy it is so easy to lose yourself. To become more of a maid, chef, butler etc. than an actual member of the family. I'm not sure exactly how it happens but it would be nice to reorder my life in a way that I felt a little more important (no that's not the right word) loved. I know I am important to their lives but I need more than that. I need to be the kind of priority in their lives that they are in mine. I'm sure this is fixable, so if someone knows how to fix it - Let. Me. Know.

Great prompts again. I love how these things make me think about my life.

If I could take tomorrow off work I'd.....

be devastated. In order for me to have a day off, in order for any mother to have a day off, you would have to erase the memory of her family. They couldn't be alive or dead; they would have to never have been. A mother can't take a day off, even if you gave her the day off and she went and got that mani-pedi she's been dying for - she would still be thinking about her family back at home. Even if you give her a break from all of her duties for the day she would just be feeling guilty because she isn't there doing them. Even if you tell her not to worry that you'll take care of everything for the day, she is going to worry; about something, about anything, about everything. So you see I don't really want a day off from work, the consequences would be too great. Someday the world may understand what Mothers do.

I'm having a guilt ridden day!!

The kids are back to school and I love it. I've been so busy the last few days though that I haven't had the chance to enjoy it like I want. The older they get, the more complicated our lives get. I want my kids to be involved in things though. I have felt guilty for years because it is too hard for us to do a lot of things. I get the comment all the time from people that they don't see why it is any harder just because we have more kids but it is. It really is. How do you make one kid suffer so that the other can do something. You have to figure out where to draw the line and some things are just too hard to coordinate. I wish that the boys could play on the Football League but it is just too complicated. If I had any kind of help at all with the kids it would be simpler but we really don't have anyone that we can count on to help with them. So we had to say that they could play once they are old enough to play for the school but then that puts them at a disadvantage because all of the other boys have more experience. It is just so hard sometimes to figure out what is the right thing to do. How much is too much but then when is it not enough? We do baseball because there are no conflicts with any other school activities at that time and if they don't want to play that is fine too. I guess I'm just feeling guilty right now because Joe started Middle School and a lot of the boys that he played football with when we tried to let him play are big buddies of course and now I'm thinking about how much of an advantage he would have had if he had been playing with them all this time and already had all of those relationships built. I want to give my kids every advantage that I can but at what cost. That is the dilemma.

The Countdown is Over....

Tomorrow is the first day of school. After all of the counting down I know that you think that I don't love my kids but that is just not the truth. I love them to death but being with anyone 24/7 is a daunting thing to ask. So Yes tomorrow will be a great day for me. I have never been a mother that needed my kids to be dependent on me in order to feel validated. I would prefer that they are independent, that is where I find my joy. Knowing that they will be able to think and act for themselves when they need to is very gratifying. That is my measurement for how well I have done my job and I do believe I have done it well so far. Not perfectly by far. I can see so many mistakes that I make on a daily basis but I am constantly learning from those mistakes and hopefully in the process teaching them that this is how life works. You learn and grow, adapt and change, to continuously better yourself and the lives of those around you.

2 vs. 3

I have 3 boys. They give me a run for my money. I have been wondering here lately why it is that when one of them is gone my life is so much easier. It doesn't matter which one, you can take away any one and it gives me the same result. My day is a lot easier. They are good kids, for the most part but when you put all 3 of them together it just seems to breed chaos. Two of them will play all day together and I will not hear a peep out of them. When all three of them are here I never quit hearing it. This is a phenomenon that I can not figure out. It makes it very tempting to find a revolving permanent babysitter though.

I don't want to lose my 30's

I have made a few decisions lately. Not really what you would call huge decisions, just simple things really but to me they are probably everything. I have talked with friends before about how hard it is for us to just relax and enjoy our lives and then the other day I read a blog by a woman who talked of losing that ability to be spontaneous when she was in her thirties and then waking up and getting that spark back when she was in her 40's. I don't want to lose my 30's, I want to enjoy them. What is it about this decade that scares us all so much. People get accused of going through their mid-life crisis in their 40's but I think it's really that they just come to their senses. They realize that all of that "getting ahead" crap is just that - CRAP!! Our 30's bring us so much responsibility and the feeling that we must be grown-up and in charge. Why can't we be these things without forsaking everything else. I have decided that I'm not going to let that rule my life anymore. I can be a responsible adult without that being my whole life. I'm giving up all of those things that I feel obligated to do and feel that I should know how to do or be able to do. I do not have to know how to so, I do not have to do everything that everyone asks me to and I don't have to feel bad for having fun with my kids and letting everything else go. I did good with this when they were littler but as they get bigger and I get older that seems to get harder and harder. Like I said not what you would call a huge decision but to me it means not losing my 30's.

A few things I'm not worrying about anymore:

Learning to sew - I love to crochet, it calms me but I have always felt the need to be able to sew. I would love to be able to make a beautiful quilt but the problem is I. don't. like. to. sew!!!! So why should I? I will never be the perfect little homemaker so why keep trying.

Having a spotless house - My house has never been spotless and will never be so I refuse to keep feeling bad about it. Life will go on.

Doing everything asked of me - I don't have to be the do everything mom, the PTO mom or the team mom. I just have to be Mom to my kids. Thank You.

How to Torture your Mother.

I haven't posted for a few days but I really do have a good reason. Have you tried school shopping for 4 children? It is not an easy task and we still aren't finished. I took 2 of them Monday, one yesterday and then we all went today and shopped for the fourth kid plus a few things for the other ones. This is one of the things that I hate about my kids getting older, they actually have opinions and want to pick things out for themselves. How bad does that suck? Trust me, it sucks big!! How dare they have their own tastes!!! That is just rude. So as you see I have been quite busy. Busy being tortured.

How to entertain 3 boys.

The destruction crew moved in today(more on that at a later time) and although I really wish they would go away I quickly found a huge perk. My day was very peaceful. The boys were mesmerized. I did have to spend a good part of my day sitting outside because I was afraid they would get too close, even though I had in very great detail laid out their boundaries. At least my Wifi works on the porch and in the yard and as I have mentioned in my lovely new swing (I am so going to have to take a picture of me on that thing).

See how entertained they were. It was such a peaceful day. They did this all day, literally.

Washing Machine Blues

My washer started acting funny, then started kicking off and then completely quit working. So my Sweet Hubby decided to fix it and he did. He really did! I was quite impressed. It was my fault, I suppose, although I don't see it that way. It was all of the stuff that they leave in their pockets and yes I could technically avoid this problem. With 6 people in this house do you know how much time I would spend checking pockets though? You would not believe the stuff that came out of that drain but I have proof.


Do you see the little spoon? I have no idea where that came from, I have never seen such a thing before. There are paper clips, drill bits, nails, a ton of change, keys and who knows what some of that stuff is. Lovely isn't it. So now it is up and running again with minimal problems getting it fixed(if you don't count me opening the door -it's a front loader- with water still in it that would be no problems). I knew he was good for something. Just kidding honey. Your good for a lot of things and you know it!!

Ah-ha!

All Mom's have them, those moments when something connects and you just go Ah-ha!
Where you realize what it is that matters most and how foolish you have been.
Here's one of mine, with 4 kids I've had a few but this one
sticks out in my mind more than most.

One day in the summer I was camping out with my kids in their room. It was a little too hot for them to play out for long and I had to keep the 3 of them entertained. We had built a tent town out of many blankets and sheets and were just crawling from tent to tent playing and I was trying to read to them when they would allow it. They were having a blast, my oldest was about to start school in the fall and I wanted to spend every minute I could with her before that. All of the sudden there was a knock on the door. What? No one ever comes to visit in the middle of the day while my husband is at work; it’s probably just Jehovah Witnesses so I go to the door. NO! It’s my brother-in-law, he was out this way and decided to stop in and play with the kids for a few minutes. You should have been here, my house was an absolute wreck, you couldn’t go into their room for all of the tents (which when looked at from the outside just looked like a chaos) and the lunch “mess” was still everywhere on the table. I suffered through his visit, apologizing many times for the untidiness and cleaning while he played with my children. After he left I was upset for days thinking about what people must think about me. “Oh my, have you seen her house? It is just disgusting!” So I went into cleaning mode and ignored my children, I cleaned while they watched TV and entertained themselves. I don’t remember at this point which one of them it was or exactly what they said but I got the mommy don’t you love me anymore question and my mind went Ah-ha! That is what matters!! What others think of me or my housekeeping skills will be of no relevance 10 years from now. How my kids feel about themselves and about me WILL. Yes I have to clean and cook and etc. etc. but that does not have to be my whole life. If my house is a little dirty today, so be it. The question is- Are my kids happy and well adjusted? It takes time to raise kids right and yes they have the right to live in a clean environment and be fed but I’m sure if you ask them that is not their biggest concern.

This was entered into a contest at Relishing Motherhood.

We are Wonder Woman!

I am not as beautiful as Aphrodite or as wise as Athena. I am not swifter than Hermes or stronger than Hercules. I am not 5’11” and 150 pounds and I don’t have beautiful black hair and blue eyes. I don’t own unbreakable silver bracelets (or any unbreakable jewelry for that matter) or a Lasso of truth. Still I am Wonder Woman. We are all Wonder Woman. We all do things that normal women would not tempt and that men think are ridiculous. We would, and some have, put our lives on the line for those that we love. We are unbelievably strong and courageous, undeniably patient and undyingly loyal. We are all things to all people. We are available at each and every beckoning call. We can summon the answer to most any problem whether it comes during the day or night. We can go days without sleep if needed, we can survive on almost nothing to eat in order to feed others and we can turn any house into a home. We are not however invincible. We feel, we hurt, we cry, we have compassion and we make mistakes. Sometimes we falter but it is then that our fellow heroes pick us up. Together we create an unbelievable force. A force that if relied upon and trusted is unbreakable. We are MOMS!

This post was written for a contest at Scribbit.

Just a thought

Storms = Power Outage = No Internet = One crazy woman.

I'm so glad the power was back on this morning.

Least you think I have forgotten. 47 days till school starts!!

What's the deal?

Don't faint! I actually got some work done this morning. I cleaned out the refrigerator, I mean completely. finished. top to bottom. even the freezer side. It needed it badly and I'm going to the store this evening and it is pretty much empty so it was time. I cleaned out the fridge and have my clothes almost caught up and got a few other things done and I have realized something. I have wrongly been blaming the boys for the fact that I can't get anything done. While they can be aggravating, running in and out and making messes, it appears that my daughter is the actual culprit. She left on a trip this morning(more on that later) and spent the night with my mom last night (the church is 45 minutes away and they were leaving at 6am and I'm not dragging my butt, let along the boys out of bed that early) so she wasn't here this morning at all and I actually got stuff done. I'm not sure what that is all about, I am thinking it over, I know there must be a reason but it is alluding me. She somehow feeds my laziness. I'm thinking that maybe it is guilt, after all even after 3 tries I could not provide her with a sister to hang with. It's not like she wants to go out and climb the mountains with the boys so maybe I feel the need to entertain her. I just don't know, it will come to me eventually. Maybe I can get alot of stuff done the next 3 days!!

66 days till school starts!!

The joysof summertime and boys

At some point last weekend Jo hurt his foot, at exactly what point we cannot pinpoint, that is the loveliness of young boys. My guess is that he did it jumping into the pool at the hotel, he says he did it at the baseball game Monday night but I distinctly remember him limping on the trip home Sunday. In either case he is done with baseball for this season and let me see you try to keep a 10 yr. old boy sitting still. We took him to the doc and got an x-ray which they promptly said they were afraid to read and sent it on to a higher up radiologist. All came back clear though and apparently he just has a stone bruise. Still means no running for awhile and not going barefoot for a long while but that's better than a chipped heel. Oh the joys of summertime and boys, I have a feeling its going to be a long summer. Let the countdown begin and No I'm not joking!

79 days till school starts!