My heart is broken

We had to walk away from our church. The church where I was raised. The church where we were married. The church that at one point meant everything to us. I don't understand why things happen like they do but I'm sure God has a new plan for us. How people can be so cruel and why others can be so oblivious to their cruelty is beyond my understanding. I hope this will bring some closure to this troubled part of our lives, finally. Hopefully she will now drop it all and just let us live in peace. That is what we want. Seperation from all of the trouble and drama, that is how this whole thing got started with us asking to just be left alone. So now we leave everything that we have known in order to get that peace. I hope this works, we know it is God's will so at some point it will all be okay.

Sometimes you've got to wonder.....?

Sometimes you've got to wonder if people are really as oblivious as they seem to the ways that they affect other people. Do you really not know that the things you say can hurt other people, make them feel unloved or even change their lives forever? I know that I was raised to understand that my words not just my actions had consequences. As Christians we are not suppose to push people further down, we are suppose to lift them up!! How do so many Christians miss this part of God's teachings? Yet still wonder why Christians have such a bad reputation and why they can't get people to come to church. They are ruining not only their witness but also the witness of those they are talking about. Truth or lies, you have still made the person you were talking to have doubts about the person you were talking about. Another thing, does anyone really still believe that around here you can talk about someone without it getting back to them? Please tell me you aren't that stupid. Ohh…. You wanted me to know didn't you? Now that makes sense. Well congrats!! It worked. If I had any doubts that I was doing the wrong thing they are now gone. Thank You for making me see clearly. Love is the center of all of God's teachings. We must love one another; you accuse us of not having love in our hearts but tell me WHERE IS YOUR LOVE?? Do you really have any idea what happened? No, you know one side of it, the side you have chosen to accept as the gospel. You don't know the history or the circumstances; you don't know the reasoning behind what we did. Why don't you? We kept our mouths shut, as everyone involved should have. When you have things to cover up though you need to make sure your side is heard and believed. You need to make sure that the other side is not believed if it ever does come out. Are you not mature enough as Christians to see that trap, to see when you are being manipulated or to feel the spirit of God? It truly breaks my heart to know that something I have worked so hard at all of my life can be taken away so easily. Sometimes you've got to wonder if people really even care.

So mad and yet SO Proud!

I have been so mad at my son all weekend but at the same time I am bursting with pride. They take tests at school called WEST tests (for you older folks like me they are like our CTBS tests were) and they got the results back this week from last years tests. The results come in levels- Novice, Partial Mastery, Mastery, Above Mastery and Distinguished- and just to put the levels into prespective, my daughter who makes almost straight A's got 3 Mastery and 1 Above Mastery. So my son who makes C's in school and swears that he is doing his best, that he just can't concentrate for long periods of time - what does he get on a test that requires you to sit for hours and fill in dots? 3 Above Mastery and 1 Distinguished!!!! Excuse me? What did you say? I don't think so. Yes he is a friggin' smart butt. Hubby says I can't start pushing him or he will just back off completely. So what am I suppose to do? My friends suggest rewarding him, yes that is probably why he did good on the tests(they are taking the ones that got All Mastery and above on a trip) but should I have to reward him to get him to do good. Shouldn't that be a requirement? I am so frustrated but at the same time I am so proud. We knew that he had a brilliant mind, he just didn't seem capable of applying it. So how do I get him to apply it to his everyday work? I have no idea but I will find a way.

Sometimes we need reminded.

I lost Audrey's birth certificate so of course I have turned this house upside down looking for it. I didn't find her birth certificate but I found something a lot better and the timing was unbelievable. Audrey started Middle School yesterday and it just blows me away that she is actually that old so when I stumbled across the poem I wrote when I was pregnant with her - well lets just say God works in mysterious ways. As a disclaimer before I post this poem I will remind you that I was 17 and thought that I owned the world (boy to feel like that again). So just keep that in mind when reading this.

The love that brought you here
Could not possibly disappear
In our minds, of course, there's fear
But in our hearts there's only cheer
We dreamed of you everyday
Even before you were on your way
So now once you arrive
Our love can only thrive
You will ask for little, while you are small
We'll be thrilled to see you crawl
Then one day you will be grown
Into a new world we will all be thrown
So we want to take time to do it right
To listen to your prayers every night
To take away some of the strife
To give support throughout your life
If you feel that we fail in anyway
Or that from the truth we somehow stray
Don't be afraid to let us know
Just do it in a way that your love will show
Then when your grown and feel too old
For us to love or kiss and hold
Just remember our love is always here
Even when you feel it's nowhere near

Now tell me that wasn't God's timing. It's so easy to forget sometimes what our purpose is in our kids lives and to lose sight of what is really important. As long as they know that we love them everything else will fall into place. You can't always be your childs friend so they need to know that mommy and daddy are strong and will always be there, when they need a true friend.

One of those things you never realize are true

So I started going through pics and scanning them into the computer today. I can't even begin to count how many times I have heard people joke about how with the first kid you go all out but then it starts getting old, well its true. My poor baby has almost no pictures of him. I guess it just gets too time consuming when you have 4 kids to take care of but that makes it no less sad. It is ridiculous and pathetic. I feel like a horrible mother. Time to break out the camera and start following him everywhere he goes. I'm sure he'll love that.

Jo turned 9

Want to make yourself feel old? Have kids!! It may not happen right away but eventually it does. My kids are getting so big and mature. I have to worry about things that when they were babies I never thought about being in the future. When they are born its all cuteness, yes its tough at times but I'm here to tell you guys it only gets harder. The things you have to worry about are such bigger issues than am I feeding them the right things or does his diaper need changed. Its just surreal to think that he is 9 and Audrey is getting ready to start Middle School. Its actually quite depressing because for as much time as I didn't think about puberty or them dating when they were babies I spend that time now thinking about the fact that they will soon be graduating HS and going on with their lives. Yet at the same time I just keep thinking that one day soon I will be able to take a bath without someone standing at the door screaming "Mommmmy!!".

Pet Crazy

Today is one of those days that I have to wonder just how crazy one woman can become. I love my kids and would do anything to make them happy, sooo....... Jo got a turtle for his birthday. Guess who has done all the work so far. I have to admit, I like him. He's pretty cool but how many pets do we have now. Momma's got to learn to say NO when it comes to pets. We now have 2 dogs(1 out, 1 in), 2 cats(both out), a hamster and (if you count the feeder fish) 18 fish. How many of these do you think are strays or animals that someone else didn't want? Only 2 of them are not. The puppy who stays inside and now the turtle. What in the world is wrong with me???? I need a 12 step program for this. Yet already the kids are discussing what kind of pet Matt should get for his Bday in Dec. What's a mom suppose to do? After all it will be his 5th Bday, how can I say No to that?????

Family Ties.......

are the ties that bind. Why do people think that just because they are your family they can decide what should and shouldn't happen in your life? It's not up to our family to tell us who we can and can't be friends with and support. I don't mean my hubby and kids, they are directly affected by my friends and that I understand. I mean the rest of the family, his and mine. Just because you are not happy with someone doesn't mean I can't have a relationship with them. We've gone through this before, what will you do for me? They will be there for me when you won't. That's the truth!!! I don't have to take sides, you shouldn't try to make me. There is this comfortable in between. Yes, I have my opinion of who's right and who's wrong but thats not up to me. I just want to be there for my friend, thank you very much. So back off and quit making them feel like they are wrong for being friends with me. Friends, quit letting them have their way. You let us worry about what is right for us not everyone else. You mean more to me and would be there for me when most of them would be laughing behind my back. Family ties are the ties that bind, just be careful what they bind you to.

My Family

I figured the only place to start one of these things was with what matters most to me. Thus the title, My Family. I've been married for almost 14 yrs. and have 4 great kids, yes I said 4. Their ages right now are 11,8,7 and 4. So as you've already guessed my world pretty much revolves around them (but don't tell them that). I am a SAHM and before you all laugh it is a full time job and I treat it that way. Although I do have my lazy days - but so do you, I just can't get fired for it. My husband is a coal miner and loves what he does, it quickly becomes a way of life and not just a job. He has 5 siblings and I have 3 so we have a lot to deal with. Too much drama for this Anti-Drama Queen. I like my life nice and quiet although it never seems to be that way. So thats the basics, you'll get more with time. If I get any time.