Random Abandon

Nothing left to countdown. My first week of freedom was .... well ..... busy. It was nice though to have even just a few minutes to myself each day. I think it is hard for people to understand how exhausting it is to never have a second to just breath and collect your thoughts.

When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child. ~Sophia Loren

We may end up with a woman in the presidential office after all. What do you guys think of Sarah Palin? I'm still a little unsure of this pick.

My thoughts and prayers are with you New Orleans. Gustav looks tough and mean but you have proved before that you can overcome.

One day, One choice, One pound at a time

SW-218
LW-190.1
CW-192.6
GW-160

That makes a total of 8 pounds gained this summer. I have done very well the last few days though. I have been getting my exercise in and am getting my eating back on track. It's not perfect but I'm getting there. I've accepted a challenge that starts on Sept.1 on the In-Shape Brag Blog and I'm really looking forward to it. Things like this always seem to make it easier to stay on track (maybe I need one for next summer haha). I'm planning on trying some different things too, I will let you know about them. Just trying to keep it interesting.

I'm having a guilt ridden day!!

The kids are back to school and I love it. I've been so busy the last few days though that I haven't had the chance to enjoy it like I want. The older they get, the more complicated our lives get. I want my kids to be involved in things though. I have felt guilty for years because it is too hard for us to do a lot of things. I get the comment all the time from people that they don't see why it is any harder just because we have more kids but it is. It really is. How do you make one kid suffer so that the other can do something. You have to figure out where to draw the line and some things are just too hard to coordinate. I wish that the boys could play on the Football League but it is just too complicated. If I had any kind of help at all with the kids it would be simpler but we really don't have anyone that we can count on to help with them. So we had to say that they could play once they are old enough to play for the school but then that puts them at a disadvantage because all of the other boys have more experience. It is just so hard sometimes to figure out what is the right thing to do. How much is too much but then when is it not enough? We do baseball because there are no conflicts with any other school activities at that time and if they don't want to play that is fine too. I guess I'm just feeling guilty right now because Joe started Middle School and a lot of the boys that he played football with when we tried to let him play are big buddies of course and now I'm thinking about how much of an advantage he would have had if he had been playing with them all this time and already had all of those relationships built. I want to give my kids every advantage that I can but at what cost. That is the dilemma.

Our Family History

Part 7: Just One More. Please!!

Mike had already been wanting another baby when I had a little accident. I was going out to start the car and fell down the front steps. They were icy, I slipped on the top one and landed on the bottom one. I knew immediately that my tailbone was broken, I thought I was going to throw up and the pain was unbearable. I still however had to get Audrey to the bus. So I picked up one boy in each arm, one 18 months and one 3 years, put them in the van, took her to the bus, came back and carried the boys back into the house. I was about to die. I called around and found someone that could help me and they took me and the boys to the hospital where they confirmed what I already knew. My tailbone was broken, almost all the way through because I picked up the boys and increased the size of the break. Mom helped me out a lot. For the first few days she did pretty much everything for us and then I would call when Drew got up and she would come and get him out of his bed (I wasn't allowed to lift him). We ended up putting Drew into one of the little toddler beds so that he could just get up. A few days in I still couldn't move good or sit for long so I sent Hubby with a list to get groceries. He came home with a Dining Table and very few groceries. Once he set the table up and we were trying it out he told me that the reason he bought the table was because it had 6 seats and he knew I would want to fill that seat when I saw it setting empty. This is what he was thinking about while his poor wife was setting with a broken tailbone. (My previous story about the table). When I was feeling better we started talking about having another baby and I made him a deal. I honestly didn't want another one (don't throw things at me, I wouldn't trade him for the world now) but I wanted my husband to be happy. Once my tailbone was healed we would try to have another baby and (here comes the deal) once I was pregnant he would have a vasectomy. If he didn't already have the vasectomy done by the time the baby was born I would have my tubes tied. So he would get his Just One More and I would be done. When the six weeks had passed and my tailbone was healed we started trying for our 4th and last child.

Next:Part 8:The misery that brought me Matt.

The Countdown is Over....

Tomorrow is the first day of school. After all of the counting down I know that you think that I don't love my kids but that is just not the truth. I love them to death but being with anyone 24/7 is a daunting thing to ask. So Yes tomorrow will be a great day for me. I have never been a mother that needed my kids to be dependent on me in order to feel validated. I would prefer that they are independent, that is where I find my joy. Knowing that they will be able to think and act for themselves when they need to is very gratifying. That is my measurement for how well I have done my job and I do believe I have done it well so far. Not perfectly by far. I can see so many mistakes that I make on a daily basis but I am constantly learning from those mistakes and hopefully in the process teaching them that this is how life works. You learn and grow, adapt and change, to continuously better yourself and the lives of those around you.

Random Abandon

1 more day and then I'm free to breath without someone asking me why!!!!!

It is still blowing my mind that I will have 2 kids in Middle School this year. I just keep repeating my new mantra. I am not that old, I am not that old, I. am. not. that. old!!

Every act of conscious learning requires the willingness to suffer an
injury to one's self-esteem. That is why young children, before they are
aware of their own self-importance, learn so easily. ~Thomas Szasz

One day, One choice, One pound at a time

No numbers. I know, I know. Stop screaming at me. We have been really busy, I haven't had time to breath. Have to have Jo somewhere by 8 this morning and then return to the normal chaos so I don't have time to get on the WiiFit this morning. However on an up note. The kids start school Tuesday, I should be able to get back to a routine. I wish I was more disciplined and could get up early every morning and exercise but when I don't have to get up, my body just won't let me. I promise better things starting next week. I'm going to start trying different things too, health wise, I mean. So if anyone has any suggestions, anything you would like for me to try or at least check in to, let me know. I'm up for just about anything. That's how you find what works for you.

What a Plan!!

While filling up my truck yesterday I had a thought. Rare I know but I think I'm on to something here. I think that the price of gas got so high because they knew that we would not want to except higher prices. Now that the prices have been ridiculously high we are not going to complain about paying well over $3 a gallon. As long as we aren't having to pay the $4 and more that we were paying we aren't going to complain. So they push it up way high for a month or so and now we will no longer complain about $3.79. It makes since to me and if it was the plan it worked -brilliantly. What do you think?

2 vs. 3

I have 3 boys. They give me a run for my money. I have been wondering here lately why it is that when one of them is gone my life is so much easier. It doesn't matter which one, you can take away any one and it gives me the same result. My day is a lot easier. They are good kids, for the most part but when you put all 3 of them together it just seems to breed chaos. Two of them will play all day together and I will not hear a peep out of them. When all three of them are here I never quit hearing it. This is a phenomenon that I can not figure out. It makes it very tempting to find a revolving permanent babysitter though.

Our Family History

Part 6: Drew should love

Roller Coasters(emphasized)

For every ounce of emotion from my pregnancy and his birth, there was 5 times that amount of emotion over the next 6 months. Both of our parents told us that the 3rd kid was the hardest (and they both would know) but we chose not to believe them. They were right, of course. From the first day of his life he was a handful. He gave me the most trouble in birth and only proceeded to get worse from there. The first few weeks were just all around tough. I had a 4 year old, an 18 month old and a newborn. Of course it was tough. Then his colic set in. Audrey and Joe had been good babies, this was something I had no idea how to handle. He would cry for hours on end. Hubby was on day shift at the time and had to get up at 4:30. Around 4 every morning Drew would finally fall asleep, so at that point there was no sense in going to sleep. When hubby would leave I would try to lay down for a while but by the time I was good and asleep Jo would get up. Jo was and still is notorious for getting up early, getting him to sleep past 7 is a major achievement. To say that I was sleep deprived would be the biggest understatement of all time. When I look back now, I wonder how I ever made it through but I did. We all did. Then when he was around 4 months old he got a severe case of Croop and was in the hospital for awhile. The antibiotics gave him the worst case of Thrush I have ever seen. We had to throw away all nipples, pacifiers etc. every other day. Even though he was one of my bigger babies, from there on out he was small. It took him forever to gain any weight and he is still a skinny little thing. After his birth and first year I was painfully sure that I didn't want any more kids. Hubby had other ideas though, obviously.

Next: Part 7:Just one more Please!

Random Abandon

8 days until school starts! I'm so excited and I just can't hide it!!(I'm dancing in my mind, can you tell?)

The Olympics are great!! Does it get any better than Michael Phelps? We have, of course, watched a lot of the volleyball and they are great. I've watched a little of the diving but I keep missing it, hopefully I will get to see the finals.

One of Nintendo's developers has been told that he is not allowed to speak about his "hobbies" in public or to the press. Can you imagine? I understand that his ideas are golden but can they really tell him that he's not allowed to talk about what he likes to anyone. To me that just seems ludicrous. (See the story here.)

Dr. Meredith Grey: Pain, you just have to ride it out, hope it goes away on
its own, hope the wound that caused it heals. There are no solutions, no easy
answers, you just breath deep and wait for it to subside. Most of the time pain
can be managed but sometimes the pain gets you where you least expect it. Hits
way below the belt and doesn't let up. Pain, you just have to fight through,
because the truth is you can't outrun it and life always makes more.

One day, One choice, One pound at a time

SW-218
LW-190.3
CW-190.1
GW-160

To be redundant, I am hanging in there. Waiting for my moment to shine. I promise this will get more interesting once the kids are back in school. For this little time I needed to concentrate on them though.

This Blog's Reading Level:

I had noticed this on a few other blogs and decided to

just check it out and see how low I could score.

TV Reviews

I was utterly shocked. It has left me wondering just what criteria they use to judge this thing.

101 progress

I know that it seems I am not getting anything done but really I am. So much of it is coming down to planning, so that is what I have been doing. A lot of the things really needed to wait till the kids were in school also.

Of course I've already posted that I tried to accomplish #4-Donate blood and was unsuccessful. I am trying to convince someone that I can do #9-Build a platform bed but I may have to result to buying one. I tried to start #21 but I discovered I need a new bread machine. We have the plans and money for #25-New Porch but with all of the destruction going on around here it's hard to get anything hauled in or delivered.I've left 220/1001 comments for #73. And then here are some more detailed plans;

#11:Fix/organize all closets

I have my plans for the boys closet but again I do not want to try to do the work with them here. I am going to take everything out of their closet. Rods, shelves -I mean everything and start from fresh. Going to fix up the inside walls, which they have made a mess out of and then fix the closet up. Instead of one long rod across I'm going to put in a rod on each side. On one side I'm going to put 2 rods and just one shelf and shoe storage at the bottom, then on the other side I'm going to put 1 rod and a few shelves. I may put a shelf up high going all the way across but I haven't decided for sure on that. Then it will be on to the next closet.

#15-Patch and paint all walls

I have gotten a start on this but again it has proven to be a little hard to do with a bunch of wild boys running around. I have one wall almost done. This is going to be a tedious process, I will have to explain exactly what I'm doing in a later post.

#18: Organize all Files-Set up System

I know one of the more boring things on the list but I have been working hard on it nevertheless. I have my system completely set up and a very detailed list of what I need to get. Now I just have to go on a shopping trip and do all of the work. I'm waiting till the kids go back to school to do this. Going through and sorting all of the stuff out and organizing it would not be an easy task with them all here. I will post soon on this one being completed-I promise.

Blog Around the World

Just wanted to let you guys know about a really cool undertaking that I found. Debbie from This is the Life is starting something new. She is trying to categorize bloggers from all around the world according to where they live. I personally would not even want to attempt this but she has a great system going and it is really cool to see the states filling up. This was one genius idea. So go check it out.

Our Family History

Part 5:Drew should Love Roller Coasters

We took a trip, 6 hours each way in between two car seats, a few days with family, a trip to the zoo and I spent the whole time throwing up and feeling horrible. By the time we got home I was just thrilled to be there, to be able to go to bed, in my bed. Days later when I still didn't feel well I started to get worried. I had been on birth control since Joe was born but I had gotten sick and missed a cycle, they did a pregnancy test which was negative, told me to quit taking the birth control and start a different kind after I had a cycle. We did use birth control in between, I swear but apparently within days of going off the pills I was pregnant. Not a big deal, we wanted more kids right; only one problem. At the time Joe was only 9 months old. From the moment we found out for sure, our lives and especially my emotions were a roller coaster. I begged Hubby in the doctors' office not to tell anyone yet, to give me awhile to adjust and he said we would talk about it later. He left the room while the doctor did some other things and by the time I got to the waiting room he had already called people. So I immediately had to listen to how stupid everyone thought I was, on top of having to deal with feeling stupid and overwhelmed. I was horribly sick, as usual and just an all around mess. I was scared and depressed. I had no idea how I was going to handle this. I spent most of my time pregnant rocking and crying. I scared Hubby, he sold all of his guns and hid all of the knives. He was convinced I was going to lose it. It was actually the easiest of all of my pregnancies but I am now convinced that was because I just didn't notice. I was out of it, pretty much. When I went to the doctor and she finally sent me to the hospital I was actually excited; for the first time. Excited to get this part over and figure out how I was going to survive this life I had created for myself. I was still only 21 and although more mature than most 21 year old's not at all prepared to have all of these kids. As was the pattern they induced me but all did not go as planned. The pains got intense fast and things were hectic and crazy. Somehow I was given and extra dose of Staydol and was completely messed up. I don't really remember anything about the actual birth and only bits and pieces from afterward. I was pretty out of it and most things were told to me later or I wouldn't know them. I can remember knowing that things weren't right, feeling that something was very wrong. I can remember Hubby and Mom looked worried. I can remember my little brother coming to visit and looking very scared. They weren't able to stop the bleeding and get my uterus to contract back up. They had everyone praying for me and when they were ready to put me on the table and do a hysterectomy, it finally stopped. Drew was born at a little after 8 that evening but I didn't make it to a room until after 12 that night. What I remember most is when I woke up. It was very early morning when I woke up and I could not remember a thing. Mom was gone and Hubby was sleeping so deep that I could not wake him up. I searched through the room until I found the little card they give you. I took it to the nursery, handed it to the nurse and said "I think I have a baby here." She looked at me like I was completely crazy and said "You think". Thankfully another nurse, who apparently was there for part of the chaos the night before, was standing there and told her I probably really wasn't sure. She took the card and brought me my son. He was so amazing, it felt so perfect when she put him in my arms. I leaned over and gave him that First Kiss, the first of many and I knew that everything was going to be alright. We were both alive and it didn't get any better than that.

Next:Drew should love Roller Coasters Pt.2

This post was submitted to a contest at Scribbit.

Random Abandon

15 days till school starts!! Alot of the school shopping is done. I'm getting so excited. Time for me and Audrey to go do our beauty day!! Gotta finish the school shopping and get everything set.

Hubby-"My feet smell like roses."
Matt(6 yr. old)-"Dead roses."

Joseph got a pellet gun for his birthday. He was trying to figure it out himself but couldn't. He was explaining to Hubby how hard he had tried to figure it out and said "I read the whole entire book, the part that's English. I couldn't read the rest."

Man my kids are funny!!

I love this part of Rodney Atkins song. It describes so well how a person who tends to hold everything in manages to do it. Not that I would know.

Invisibly shaken and quietly breakin'
Desperately takin' one breath at a time
Beneath this composure I know it's over

-Rodney Atkins lyrics

Joe's 11th

Yesterday was Joe's 11th birthday. We don't do birthday parties, haven't for years. It is so stressful and it doesn't give them a day they enjoy. So we let them pick what they want to do for their birthdays. Joe went to the movies with his girlfriend. It was so cute. He had a good day though and that is what matters.

It blows my mind that I will have 2 kids in Middle School, it just doesn't seem possible. I'm not that old.

One day, One choice, One pound at a time

SW-218
LW-191
CW-190.3
GW-160

Figured out how to tell the exact weight on the WiiFit. It said I was down 0.9 this week. Just 2 more weeks till the kids are back in school and I'm still holding at around 5 lbs. gained for the summer. Not too much harm done. As long as I get back into it once they are gone.

I don't want to lose my 30's

I have made a few decisions lately. Not really what you would call huge decisions, just simple things really but to me they are probably everything. I have talked with friends before about how hard it is for us to just relax and enjoy our lives and then the other day I read a blog by a woman who talked of losing that ability to be spontaneous when she was in her thirties and then waking up and getting that spark back when she was in her 40's. I don't want to lose my 30's, I want to enjoy them. What is it about this decade that scares us all so much. People get accused of going through their mid-life crisis in their 40's but I think it's really that they just come to their senses. They realize that all of that "getting ahead" crap is just that - CRAP!! Our 30's bring us so much responsibility and the feeling that we must be grown-up and in charge. Why can't we be these things without forsaking everything else. I have decided that I'm not going to let that rule my life anymore. I can be a responsible adult without that being my whole life. I'm giving up all of those things that I feel obligated to do and feel that I should know how to do or be able to do. I do not have to know how to so, I do not have to do everything that everyone asks me to and I don't have to feel bad for having fun with my kids and letting everything else go. I did good with this when they were littler but as they get bigger and I get older that seems to get harder and harder. Like I said not what you would call a huge decision but to me it means not losing my 30's.

A few things I'm not worrying about anymore:

Learning to sew - I love to crochet, it calms me but I have always felt the need to be able to sew. I would love to be able to make a beautiful quilt but the problem is I. don't. like. to. sew!!!! So why should I? I will never be the perfect little homemaker so why keep trying.

Having a spotless house - My house has never been spotless and will never be so I refuse to keep feeling bad about it. Life will go on.

Doing everything asked of me - I don't have to be the do everything mom, the PTO mom or the team mom. I just have to be Mom to my kids. Thank You.

#67 and #68

I am giving up on #67 and 68. I will replace them with something when I can decide on what but I have made a few decisions lately and they have to go. I will post a more detailed post about the "decisions" later but this is one of those things that I felt like I should do, should be able to do but that I don't really get enjoyment out of. So they must go.

Prayer for Patrick

A man, Patrick McNeely, from my area was involved in a very bad motorcycle accident on Saturday Night. He is in the Trauma Unit at a local hospital. The Initial report was that he had 2 blood clots on his brain, that either his spine or back was broken, that he had no pain from the waist down, that he had alot of facial trauma and that he had asparated and was unable to breath on his own. I know it is hard to care about someone that you don't really know but I wanted to let as many people as I could know about this. I don't know him personally but it seems that he is great person from all accounts and I wanted to have as many people thinking about him and praying for him as is possible. They have created a blog to keep everyone aprised of his condition at http://prayforpatrick.blogspot.com/. So please keep him in your thoughts and prayers and remember his family. Think about what it would be like if this were your son or brother and act accordingly.

Our Family History

Part 4:Enter Jo stage Left

You know how sometimes you zig left and zag right when it comes to decisions in your life. That's the pattern I had taken with deciding wether or not to have a second kid. Just when I had zigged left and decide it just wasn't time...I was pregnant. Of the four kids this was the only time I was big and pregnant in the summer, thankfully. I went outside very little, it was just too miserable. I spent a lot of time in the hospital too. I kept dehydrating (I would guess the heat helped on that part) which would bring on false contractions and UTI's. I hate being pregnant, I've heard so many women talk about how much they love it but I just can't agree. I honestly hate it. Don't get me wrong, I love feeling the baby kick and grow but I hate all of the things that go with it. I am always severely ill and after falling when I was pregnant with Audrey my hip is always messed up when I'm pregnant. It is just a miserable time for me. All wasn't lost though, Audrey was sleeping about 12 hours during the night and taking a nice nap during the day so I wasn't overly exhausted (yet, we saved that for later). Needless to say by the time I gave birth I was beyond ready. It was once again a very easy delivery, even easier this time because they knew how far I would go on my own and I didn't have to wait a day for them to decide to induce me, that was step one not ten. I was so nervous when Audrey was born that I don't really remember getting to enjoy those moments. Now that I was a little more prepared and experienced it was a much more enjoyable situation. He was so tiny and so perfect.

(I will insert his birth picture here as soon as I get it scanned into the computer)

Next- Part 5:Drew should love Roller Coasters.

Random Abandon

We ate at Hardee's the other day and they were exceptionally slow. We overheard them talking about how some people hadn't showed up, there was only 1 person working back in the kitchen and of the 5 or 6 people working out front none of them knew how to do anything in the kitchen. We were talking about how they shouldn't hire these people that weren't willing to train to do everything. About that time our darling little 6 yr. old chimed in "Yeah but they probably get paid more." From the mouth of babes is all I can say.

Foot Fashions

22 days till school starts!! 14 days till volleyball starts! Then basketball is next. Time for a whole new kind of stress.

One day, One choice, One pound at a time

SW-218
LW-188.2
CW-191(New WiiFit weight, I weigh the same on my scale 188.3)
GW-160

I exercised this week. More than I have in a long time. I feel better but it didn't help much with the weight. I'm being patient and biding my time till the kids go back to school.
On a different note - We got a WiiFit this week. I'm adjusting my CW to match what it now says. It is a little more than the scale was weighing me at but that's alright. I'm just going to start from there for next week. I must say, so far, I love the WiiFit. No, it's not that great on the cardiovasular side but I think it is going to be great for toning and strengthening. I've always wanted to learn some Yoga and it seems to be really good on that front. (I'll let you know what I think of it after I've used it a little more.)It is a little depressing though. It labeled me as obese and keeps telling me how unbalanced, unflexible and unfit I am. I think shutting it up will give me good motivation though.

How to Torture your Mother.

I haven't posted for a few days but I really do have a good reason. Have you tried school shopping for 4 children? It is not an easy task and we still aren't finished. I took 2 of them Monday, one yesterday and then we all went today and shopped for the fourth kid plus a few things for the other ones. This is one of the things that I hate about my kids getting older, they actually have opinions and want to pick things out for themselves. How bad does that suck? Trust me, it sucks big!! How dare they have their own tastes!!! That is just rude. So as you see I have been quite busy. Busy being tortured.